Status versus Power in Women’s Relationships with Men

Women are very powerful in men’s lives, or at least they should be very powerful in a man’s life, particularly regarding their romantic capacity or romantic role. A man’s life can center around a woman, a man’s life should center around a woman I would say for the majority of men who either are married or plan to marry. When I say the man’s life should “center around” a woman I mean that the majority of the man’s productive efforts should be directed towards the woman’s benefit and the benefit of the woman’s project and mission (particularly children). More than this a woman plays the role of being the central organizing force of a man’s life; what the man does is legitimated and given purpose derivative of the woman’s moral value and purpose. For instance the man’s job is given a higher moral value and purpose because the earnings from the job will be used to support the woman. All of the man’s efforts that are directed towards the woman herself and the woman’s project (his children) are justified as forms of service to the woman and her moral purpose. This ethic of serving women goes beyond just a man’s wife however, broadening the field to “womanhood” or “womankind” all of civilization can be thought of as a means to protect hearth and home and the women who are the foundation of hearth and home. Life and the social order makes sense with a woman at the center of the moral universe (from the man’s point of view); life and the social order doesn’t make sense if the woman is missing from the picture however, if the woman is missing from the picture then things are broken in a very serious way.

I will add that God is the creator of the overall system here and that God has placed woman at the center of the moral universe for the man and has placed man at the center of the moral universe for the woman but that God or the Superior Power itself is the center of the moral universe overall.

All I am saying here about the man’s life being centered around the woman; the woman’s life can also be seen as being centered around the man in much the same way. The man dedicates himself to the woman and the woman’s higher moral purpose while the woman dedicates herself to the man and the man’s higher moral purpose; the man and the woman together sharing the same higher moral purpose as both the man and woman serve God and God has a unified moral purpose for both the man and the woman jointly.

The power of a woman I am talking about here is what I will call romantic power; romantic power being a woman’s ability to draw support to herself from men. Chivalry, men’s duty to provide for and protect women, is based on women’s romantic power. A woman’s romantic power is determined by men’s response to her, it is the power of the woman to draw men’s attention and support and protection to her. Patriarchy maximizes women’s romantic power, indeed the patriarchal social system is really all about maximizing women’s romantic power; all of the social rules and expectations within patriarchy are all geared towards maximizing women’s romantic power in one way or another. Feminism destroys women’s romantic power or put another way feminism uses women’s romantic power in manipulative ways that leads to the woman’s romantic power being morally corrupted and used for bad ends which then leads to a backlash against the woman’s romantic power leading to the woman’s romantic power being destroyed and made unworkable.

The romantic power of a woman, an individual woman, is determined by many different factors. There are the characteristics of the woman herself such as age and physical attractiveness and there are also social or environmental characteristics such as a woman’s race, socio-economic background, quality of the family relationships in the home she grew up in, and overall cultural environment the woman is in (a woman in a feminist cultural environment will have less romantic power than a woman in a traditional or patriarchal cultural environment). These various factors indicate what an individual woman’s romantic power is in the romantic marketplace while she is still single; they (along with additional factors based on the woman’s own behavior and beliefs and past voluntary history) determine her “rating” compared to other women which then affects the “quality” of the man she can in turn get. After a woman is married the romantic power of the woman is then based on the quality of the man she is with and the quality of the relationship she has with that man.

A woman’s romantic power is very important for her, it is necessary for her to have a high level of romantic power in order to be able to fulfill her role and purpose as a woman. Women overall need to have a high level of romantic power in order for society and the culture to work well. This is exactly why patriarchy is better than feminism, because patriarchy maximizes women’s romantic power while feminism misuses and destroys women’s romantic power. What I want to emphasize here is that romantic power is a good thing for a woman to have, it is a kind of power the woman should have to the greatest extent possible. Women overall should have a high level of romantic power and within each individual marriage the woman should have a fully functional level of romantic power consistent with her role as wife.

Women should not have unilateral power based on self-assertion in relation to men (except when such power is delegated to the woman either by the male community or the man the woman is in a relationship with; the woman’s rightful powers ultimately coming from God). Romantic power let us remember is not the woman acting on her own behalf and her own initiative, it is the woman drawing support to her from men where the man is taking the initiative to serve the woman.

You can think of women’s power under patriarchy as being primarily romantic power and women’s power under feminism being primarily unilateral power based on self-assertion. The first kind of power for a woman (romantic power) is good; the second kind of power for a woman (unilateral power) is bad.

Think of a woman’s romantic power as being her status as a woman, a woman with high romantic power having high status. The term “power” itself then referring to women’s unilateral power feminist style. A woman then should have high status in relation to men but low power in relation to men. In this way of thinking of things patriarchy maximizes women’s status and minimizes women’s power while feminism minimizes women’s status and maximizes women’s power.

When in a relationship with a man especially in the preliminary stage before the woman is married it is good for the woman to assert status in the relationship and to try to maximize her status in the relationship and it makes sense for the woman to specifically seek out men who are inclined to grant her as much status as a woman as possible. A woman struggling to maximize her status level in her relationship with a man is appropriate. At the same time a woman should not be asserting power in her relationship with a man and she should not be getting into a power struggle with a man to try to “gain the upper hand.” If a woman feels she is not being treated right by a man the woman should attack the man based on the man not “treating her right” and not granting to her the level of status she is entitled to based on her role in relation to him. If a man is abusing a woman the man is downgrading the woman’s status below what it should be; that is the man’s offense. The man should then be attacked on that basis, on the basis of him not giving to the woman the consideration the woman is due based on her role in relation to him.

A man should be able to tell the difference between a woman fighting for status and a woman fighting for power. This is an important relationship skill for a man to have. A woman fighting for status is not necessarily a bad sign or indicative of anything negative on the woman’s part, indeed a woman fighting for status is often a good sign regarding the character and worth of the woman. If a woman is fighting for status you as a man need to look carefully to see who is in the right and whether you should grant to the woman the status she is seeking in relation to you. Alternatively if you are a low-status man yourself and the woman is indicating to you that she wants you to raise your status level as a man then I would strongly advise that you raise your status level as a man as best you can. A woman fighting for power is a completely different matter, a woman fighting for power is a direct threat to the health and integrity of your relationship with the woman and is definitely a bad sign regarding the character and worth of the woman in a relationship context. If the woman is fighting for power then it is important that you as the man try to “win” the power struggle you are in with her to maintain your dominant position in the relationship as your relationship with a woman can only be high functioning for as long as you as the man are able to remain “in control.”

As far as the difference between a woman struggling for status and a woman struggling for power; is the woman trying to set herself up to be treated better by you or is she trying to “get her way” and make you “do what she wants”? If the woman is trying to get you to treat her better in a globalized non-specific way then she is struggling for status, if the woman is trying to “get her way” and make you “do what she wants” then she is struggling for power. Pay attention to what the woman’s underlying motives seem to be; if they are directed towards getting you to “treat her better” or think of her more highly then that is good, that indicates she is seeking status. If her motive is to take control of the overall relationship dynamic that is bad. Remember, if what the woman wants is to be treated better by you or for you to think of her more highly she is not challenging or undermining your power as a man at all and so she is doing nothing wrong. Indeed you as the man may be doing something wrong if you are indeed not treating her as well as you should or granting to her the status due her based on her role in relation to you.

When I advocate for unconditional Chivalry I am making an assertion about women’s proper status in relation to men; a man not honoring his Chivalrous duty to women is downgrading the status of the woman and is not treating the woman as he should, he is abusing the woman. Chivalry is honoring and upholding women’s status in relation to men; failure to live up to ones Chivalrous duties as a man is downgrading the status of women in an abusive manner, it is treating women as “lesser.”

My main criticism against the Men’s Rights Activists (MRAs) is that they do not honor women; they do not grant to women the status women need and deserve; their objection to Chivalry being a clear example of this.

It is good when a woman demands status in her relationships with men; it is bad when a woman demands power in her relationships with men. A woman seeking and demanding status is the hallmark of a traditional woman or a patriarchal woman and so it is something I highly value in a woman and something I want to see in a woman, it signals she is a high quality woman. A woman seeking power and wanting to “get her way” is the hallmark of a feminist and I want to stay as far away from those women as possible as they are nothing but trouble.

I want to dedicate my life in service to a woman who demands from me that I dedicate my life in service to her; only a woman who demands that I dedicate my life to her will be worthy of my lifetime devotion. You see, I want a woman who is dedicated to me and a woman cannot be dedicated to me unless I am dedicated to her so a woman truly dedicated to me will demand that I be dedicated to her so that she can fulfill her obligations and duties towards me. If a woman is half-hearted about the demands she is placing on me that means she is half-hearted about her role and purpose as a woman and I don’t want a woman half-hearted about her role and purpose as a woman, I want a woman passionate and fully dedicated to her role as a woman. A woman truly committed to her role as a woman will be truly committed to getting a man to support her in her role as a woman because in order for her to fulfill her role and purpose as a woman she needs a man’s support. So, only a woman who demands support from a man will be worthy of support from a man.

A woman needs to assert her right to status in her relationships with men while at the same time being submissive as it relates to specific conflicts that may come up. The man should govern the relationship overall but the woman needs to make sure the man is treating her right; that her romantic power in relation to the man is high enough for her needs as a woman to be met so that she can dedicate herself to her feminine duties as a woman. Likewise the man must give to the woman the status the woman is entitled to based on her role in relation to him while at the same time maintaining his dominant authority position in the relationship.


The Romantic Power of Women under Patriarchy


About Jesse Powell TFA

Anti-Feminist, MRA, Pro-Traditional Women's Rights Traditional Family Activist (TFA)
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5 Responses to Status versus Power in Women’s Relationships with Men

  1. Dar says:

    Thank you for the thoughtful article.

    It is very hard to find someone who is both anti-feminist and anti-MRA and for traditional values.

    I find MRA’s to basically be male version of feminists. The whole MRA movement seems to have taken the entire feminist ideology and just replaces “women” with “men”.

    Both reject the family and tradition and nature in favor of a selfish atomized antagonistic existence.

  2. Welcome to my site! I couldn’t agree with you more in your comment; MRAs are very much just the male version of feminists. I see both feminists and MRAs as being narcissists; a feminist being a female narcissist and an MRA being a male narcissist. A male narcissist is worse than a female narcissist though I will add because the natural role of the man is to take care of the woman while the natural role of the woman is to be taken care of by the man. A man turning to selfishness is therefore more harmful to the social order than a woman turning to selfishness. This is why female narcissism (feminism) emerged first and male narcissism (MRAs) has only started to become big recently. The answer to the “gender war” is traditionalism or patriarchy because patriarchy supports the best of men and the best of women at the same time and addresses the needs of both sexes. Patriarchy is based on men as servant leaders; the man’s authority is above the woman’s authority and the woman’s interests are above the man’s interests.

    You know I am trying to get a group started here. I am a Traditional Family Activist or TFA. Read here for more about my group:


    The Meaning of Being a Traditional Family Activist

    I hope you continue reading and commenting at my site. I’m glad you found me. 🙂

    I’m most closely aligned with What’s Wrong With Equal Rights, Simple Southern Spirit, and Adventures in Keeping House (linked to on my blogroll).

  3. Dar says:

    Thank you.

    I have checked out the linked blogs and all are interesting.

    As I wrote before, it is difficult to find non-MRA writings. Some are out there (“Empowered Traditionalists” etc…) but most tend to be from a purely Christian perspective, which I respect and admire, but anti-Feminism (like anti-“New Athieism”) must transcend any one religion because Feminism isn’t just solely anti-Christian.

    Thank you again fro all your work and best of luck!

  4. Yes, I know, traditionalists are truly rare in the secular world. Almost all “anti-feminists” in the secular sphere are MRAs. I think people who are not tied to religion have a real disadvantage in being able to put together a functional world view without reference to a God to obey. God is the central organizing concept for a functional life in community with others; this being true whether one believes in a literal supernatural God or not. Religious people automatically have what I will call a “God concept” while a secular person has to work hard to even reach that first step of understanding that there really is a grand underlying order to life that he must “obey.” Also religion provides an easy way to organize alternative subcultures while the secular person is usually totally immersed in mainstream culture with nobody to support him if he thinks “differently” from the feminist orthodoxy.

    So, traditionalism is far more advanced and developed in the religious sphere than it is in the secular sphere, I am totally aware of that. Still traditionalism in the secular sphere has to start somewhere, right? So here I am acting as a kind of pioneer in this particular cause, the cause of Secular Patriarchy (as the name of this website suggests).

    I do think it is important that a secular expression of traditionalism exist, in particular a race-neutral expression of traditionalism. Religious traditionalism is good and widespread but it does tend to isolate itself from the wider community; this being its strength and its weakness. Secular traditionalism is something “mainstream” people can understand much more readily and is harder to ignore or dismiss as “religious fanaticism” or “religious superstition.” Also in the Western World at least the law is secular so to actually change the laws in a culturally positive direction secular arguments and justifications have to be used.

  5. Pingback: A Man’s Masculine Identity in a Romantic Relationship | Secular Patriarchy

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