I have been “accused” of worshipping women and being overly eager to place women on pedestals and it has been claimed that such behavior towards women turns women off. I have loudly and repeatedly advocated for Chivalry (the male duty to provide for and protect women) and that this duty of Chivalry is unconditional (not dependent upon the moral character or actions of the woman). I wonder, does that in itself constitute “worshipping women” and “placing women on a pedestal?”
There is an interesting term in use in the manosphere (among “men’s rights” types) called “pedestalization” which I suppose is the practice of putting women on pedestals that “beta males” in particular are said to be fond of doing. What is interesting about the term “pedestalization” is that it implies that women being on pedestals is artificial and that a woman has to be kind of physically shoved up onto a pedestal by an eager to please “beta male” in order for the woman to achieve pedestalized status in the first place.
The idea of putting women on a pedestal seems to have two different connotations; the first being placing the woman’s needs above your own needs and viewing the woman as “superior” or “deserving” or “special” in different ways. The second connotation is idealizing the woman and thinking she is perfect and without sin and placing expectations on her that are unrealistic and that she cannot meet in real life where eventually the idealization has to end and disappoint because the woman is not in reality perfect but is only human like everyone else after all.
A psychological study on relationships between men and women titled “Why You Shouldn’t Put Your Partner On A Pedestal” reported:
“The results revealed that, up to a point, it’s a good thing to think your partner idealizes you. People were happiest with their relationship when they believed that their partner saw them as slightly better than they saw themselves, Tomlinson and her colleagues report in the May issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
But after that sweet spot, more fawning is not a good thing. To find out why satisfaction dropped with a greater perception of idealization, the researchers tested a few variables. They found that people who see themselves as over-idealized by their partners experience a threat to their sense of self. They feel that their partner doesn’t know them, and that he or she has expectations they can’t or don’t want to meet, Tomlinson said.
People who feel over-idealized are also less likely to make accommodations for their relationships, the results showed.
“People who are feeling over-idealized may feel like they have more power in the relationship, so they may be less willing to put their partner first,” Tomlinson said.”
I can see the potential problem with idealization and placing unreasonable expectations on someone else that don’t reflect what a person can reasonably live up to but women definitely are superior to men in certain areas of life in certain roles based on certain skill sets and abilities that women excel in (this being the feminine realm; women’s natural area of superior strength and ability). Furthermore women’s needs and interests do come first and should indeed be placed as a higher priority both for society overall and within romantic relationships in particular. If this counts as placing women on a pedestal then so be it; women are indeed superior in the feminine realm and deserve special status socially and legally and in practical ways due to the nature of the feminine realm and the importance and value of the feminine realm.
Do I “worship” women? That is an interesting question. To “worship” is something only fitting for God or towards something divine and women are not God. At the same time women do indeed have Godly purpose and Godly value (speaking based on my own philosophy here). A woman’s beauty and kind spirit can definitely be experienced as something divine, as something heavenly, as something that inspires bliss. Furthermore a woman is definitely worth sacrificing for, is definitely a “sacred” calling for a man, and can definitely be the center of a man’s life and personal identity. So even though “to worship” is something reserved for God alone women are definitely connected to God and one of the best ways a man can serve God is through means of serving a woman.
Is femininity “divine?” I would say yes as femininity comes from God; it is an attribute and positive moral force God has granted to women in service to mankind to make the world better, more pleasant, more sociable, more warm and welcoming.
Part of femininity is women’s romantic and sexual desirability to men and this of course is a great source of pleasure for the men of this world and a great source of purpose and idealism for men as well in service to women and by extension in service to those women themselves are in service to.
So women are not God but women are extensions of God and created by God and meant to serve a Godly purpose and one of the best ways to serve God is to serve women and men are programmed by God to love women and experience women as beautiful and desirable and euphoric explicitly for the purpose of motivating men to serve women and to place women’s interests and needs above their own idealistically.
I am sure I am just confirming here that I really do pedestalize women and worship women just like I have been accused of doing by others. In my defense however to not pedestalize women or see and honor the good, indeed superior, attributes of women makes no sense to me. Why would I refuse to acknowledge women’s superiority in the feminine realm? I value femininity and therefore praise and support femininity. To do otherwise would be entirely destructive and entirely wrong. To act as though there is nothing special or valuable about femininity would be a complete lie. Even worse such an attitude is a set-up for me denying my responsibilities and duties towards women; duties that I owe to women precisely based on the need and obligation to support and uphold women’s femininity; women’s unique and special contribution as women.
In a forum discussion where the topic was “What does it mean exactly, to “put a woman on a pedestal”?” DennyCrane offered:
“I tend to think of it as elevating a person to a level where you think they’re more important than you, where their needs matter more than yours, and where you’re too willing to forgive their mistakes or overlook their faults. A lot of guys do this. They see the person for what they wish or imagine them to be, not what they really are. A relationship where you’ve done this can’t last because you’ve set it up to be a one where it’s unequal. You’ll end up doing more for her than she does for you. Over time, that just leads to resentment and feeling taken for granted.”
This comment by DennyCrane is interesting on a number of levels. First there is a confusion between putting the needs of the woman first and being “too willing to forgive their mistakes or overlook their faults” and seeing the woman according to “what they wish or imagine them to be, not what they really are.” Putting the needs of the woman first is different from overlooking her faults and only seeing what you want to see in her. As a man you don’t put the woman’s needs first because she is superior to you in some kind of overall sense, you put the needs of the woman first simply because that is your duty and role as a man; that is a basic part of how men should treat women. How you perceive the woman is a separate thing and you can see a woman entirely realistically with faults and all and still put the needs of the woman first regardless.
Then comes the assertion “A relationship where you’ve done this [put the woman on a pedestal] can’t last because you’ve set it up to be a one where it’s unequal. You’ll end up doing more for her than she does for you. Over time, that just leads to resentment and feeling taken for granted.” Here we get to the heart of what it means to put women on a pedestal. Pedestalizing women is unequal and leads to the man giving more to the woman than the woman gives to the man! That is the whole point! That is the goal! In a romantic relationship the man should always be giving more to the woman directly than what the woman gives to the man directly because men are to support women and not the other way around. Such “inequality” is sustainable and is indeed the ideal and will lead to a happier more stable longer lasting relationship AS LONG AS the man is given dominance in the relationship and understands the moral idealistic purpose he is serving by supporting the woman and placing the woman on a pedestal in the form of placing her needs above his.
Latter on in the forum discussion Andreaspercheron responds to DennyCrane with an absolutely brilliant and wonderful comment:
“I tend to agree with Dennycrane. He said it pretty much the way I would have.
The only thing I’d add or maybe change slightly is that yes some men do this and the woman really isn’t worth all the fuss they make but there are some genuine men who really put their women ahead of everything, cater to their needs, really truly adore them and worship the ground they walk on and in these cases I’ve seen, the woman really does deserve it. She is that quintessential stay-at-home Mom who’s home is always perfect, kids are well behaved, has a sit-down dinner for her family ready every night when her man comes home and they have a genuinely solid relationship and too, he’s a good guy too. They kind of worship each other. He brings flowers, etc… It’s a very meshed relationship. I think in cases like that a man putting a woman on a “pedestal” is okay.”
I think putting a woman on a “pedestal” and in a sense even “worshipping” the woman is OK, even to be encouraged. Definitely the man should place the woman’s needs above his own and give more to the woman than the woman gives to him. That is just basic in a romantic relationship. At the same time as a man I definitely expect to be honored and respected and obeyed; to be admired and valued and yes loved for my masculine characteristics and to be given certain “privileges” consistent with and supportive of my masculine roles and duties as a man. As I place the woman on her feminine pedestal I most definitely expect and demand my own elevated status as a man consistent with the special attributes I possess that are a part of my masculinity.
So now I have just become hated and despised by the feminists as a male chauvinist and an oppressor of women. Putting women on a pedestal is just part of the grand scheme to “put women in their place” in service of male domination! On this point the feminists are completely correct!
In all seriousness however I really can’t imagine not pedestalizing women, not loving and admiring and wanting women for their feminine characteristics and their feminine beauty and even more so I can’t imagine disgracefully abandoning the duties I know and deeply feel that I owe to women in service of their lives as women. If you love a woman you owe that woman all your strength and resources and capabilities as a man; it is really as simple as that. To love a woman means to be in debt to that woman, to owe that woman, to be responsible for that woman’s well being. Love is not just a feeling; it is a duty and an obligation to.
It is entirely possible that “pedestalizing” women in the way I am doing here turns off most women, that most women in this feminist society today don’t want a man who places women above them, that they instead want men who treat them and view them as “equals.” My response to this is that I really don’t care. I don’t want a woman who is “turned off” by my values and beliefs on this matter; I only want the women who are “turned on” by what I believe and who I am instead. I’m not looking for a feminist woman here; I hope the feminist women stay away from me as that would make my love life much simpler. If what I say drives away the feminists then that in large part is the whole point!
That being said; men have an obligation to support women and women have an obligation to be supported by men. Children depend upon their mother being supported by their father for their own well being as children.
Yes, women on a pedestal being worshipped by men is a good thing whether the woman in question prefers this arrangement or not.