My Escape from the Prison of Feminism

When I look over the history of my life I tend to divide my history into two parts; my feminist days from birth to mid 20s and then my pro-patriarchy identity from mid 20s up to today. My feminist days is when I was still culturally assimilated and then there was the rupture or the break where I turned against my feminist identity choosing patriarchy instead as the better way.

It might be a bit odd to characterize myself as a feminist from birth but effectively that’s how things were set up. My home environment being feminist; my mother being dominant over my father; and the wider cultural messages being feminist right from the beginning, right from birth. I can remember some blatantly pro-feminist propaganda being directed at me as early as 7 or 8 years old. I remember a poster at school at a very early age where a boy baby and a girl baby were looking inside at their diapers in front of each other, one with boy parts and the other with girl parts, and the message of the poster was “Why does it matter, so what, one has boy parts and the other has girl parts but they are both the same.” I remember thinking to myself, “Yes, there should be no real difference between boys and girls, they should be treated the same and thought of similarly. That only makes sense.” This being my 7 year old mind’s reaction to this poster I saw in school. Presumably such approval of the poster’s message was expected of me and the teacher might frown or show disapproval if I showed any “sexist” reaction to the poster and if the teacher disapproved of me that would have meant I was in the wrong, that I was bad.

I also remember the book Free to Be You and Me as a young child that had explicit feminist messages in it about how it is all right for men to cry, how women naturally often seek typically male careers and ambitions and how this is OK. There was even a section of the book talking about divorce and how divorce is an ordinary part of life trying to make children feel OK about their parents’ potential divorce with some scenarios and advice being offered about how a child can adjust to their parents’ divorce and make things OK and normal and relatively comfortable in their lives after their parents’ divorce. I remember that part of the book scared me; the idea of my parents maybe divorcing scared me. The overall message of the book however was an uplifting message complete with a happy song, that we should all be “Free to Be You and Me.”

Then, of course, puberty came and girls became a big thing for me starting in 7th grade at age 12. I was quite shy, didn’t have many friends anyways, and was in general scared of the girls not knowing how to react to the very strong feelings that the girls inspired within me. I actually didn’t make any real efforts at getting a “girlfriend” until age 17 so age 17 until my conversion to patriarchy was my period of failure with women based on my misplaced loyalty to the feminist ideology that had been programmed into me since birth.

The interesting thing looking back at that time from age 17 to my conversion to patriarchy is that I would have done anything to get the particular women I liked during that time to like me back and be my “girlfriend” but there was a kind of invisible shield of apprehension and distancing where I was never allowed to get “too close” and I didn’t really understand why, what the problem was. After high school was over things got worse for me romantically. I no longer had the advantage of women being all around me just by virtue of going to my classes, I actually had to take initiative to try to get a woman interested in me. I was able to get a few sparks of interest from women after high school but the “relationship” I was seeking always fizzled very quickly. Shortly before my conversion to patriarchy I actually started to get some brains on how to approach women more seriously and more effectively, learning a few things about “game” and showing confidence and such. I also read some books about how relationships work and thought more in detail about what it was exactly that I had to offer a woman in a potential relationship.

The trigger for my conversion to patriarchy was actually based on an episode of my having very strong romantic feelings towards a woman I was having some success with romantically which created inside of me a very strong desire to take care of her and give her a good life and have a happy family with her and all that kind of idealistic stuff. I then started to think about these gut level feelings I was having and realized that their concrete expression if brought into real life would indeed be the 1950s style family with me as the breadwinner and the wife staying home full time to take care of the kids. This was a huge revelation to me as it showed me that at the instinctual level what I really wanted was to “take care of” and “give a good life to” the woman that I loved and that in real life this was done by financial support, through me being the breadwinner and her not having to work and instead focusing on the kids.

So everything was great and blissful with my new discovery until, until I started to realize that the feminists would be opposed to my dream of me having a traditional family and that it would be hard for me to find a woman who didn’t want to work during her marriage with me. This is when my anti-feminism began in earnest. Very quickly my belief in patriarchy was no longer really about getting a woman at all and it was instead a kind of Holy Crusade to destroy feminism. Feminism was the great enemy lurking behind every bush and poisoning the minds of all the women around me and endlessly trying to threaten me and bully me to try to get me to become evil like them.

It is funny, why was it that I never experienced the fantasy of “taking care of” a woman until my mid-20s? I had definitely fallen in love before that time multiple times and I do remember feeling strongly protective towards women I was attracted to occasionally and seeking to be “controlling” at times and I did give women gifts a few times but it wasn’t until the point of my conversion to patriarchy that I actually had a full blown fantasy of “taking care of” a woman financially 100% like how the traditional family model worked. Looking back I am sure this was because I somehow knew or felt that it was “forbidden” and “shameful” for me to actually fantasize about and idealize taking care of a woman. That the very thought of “taking care of a woman” was repulsive and disgusting according to the feminist cultural messages that had been drummed into me my whole life. I think by the time I had reached my mid-20s I just didn’t really care anymore about the stigma I would face in wanting to “take care of a woman” because I was already being rejected by women anyways so it wasn’t like my situation would get any worse by trying something new.

So, I felt the forbidden feeling of wanting to take care of a woman and I had the forbidden thought that taking care of a woman was actually a morally good thing to do; that being the end of my time as a feminist man.

In my feminist days I found I could never get close to a woman. The woman would be apprehensive and nervous even if she really did like me at some level or I found that maybe the first interaction or two was positive but I had no ability to follow through and actually “impress” in any kind of sustainable way. I didn’t really know at the time quite what was wrong but after awhile I realized the problem was that I was too weak. I was too timid, too self-conscious and nervous, too shy. I had great difficulty making the first move and a harder time making the second move and third move to show a sustained interest. More fundamentally than that I had no drive, no real sense of purpose with the woman, only really thought of love and sex for myself as my goal and my reward, wasn’t really making any kind of money, and just in general was not able to project value regarding what I had to offer or what I could give her as a man. I was too weak, I was entirely too weak.

When I was a feminist man women rejected me because I was too weak. The thing is I was too weak because I was a feminist man; it was my feminist beliefs that made me weak because it was the feminist message that told me I should be weak and that it was good for me to be weak and even more so that an attempt to make myself strong as a man was very very bad and sexist and oppressive to women and just was bad bad bad.

When I was a feminist man I would have done anything for the woman to try to please her or win her over. More so I strongly felt that women’s rejection of me at this time was a signal that there was something wrong with me or something deficient in me and I very much wanted to give to women whatever it was that they wanted from me but that I wasn’t giving to them or couldn’t give to them. I took women’s rejection of me at face value; that the problem was definitely me and not them. The woman was perfect, the woman was beautiful, the woman was presumed to be a competent judge of her own self-interest and what she wanted and needed from a man and I didn’t measure up so there was something in me or about me that I needed to change and improve so that I would be able to meet her standards. That is how I viewed the situation at that time during my feminist days.

After awhile my skills regarding women did improve leading to the flashpoint of my falling in love accompanied by the “taking care of the woman” fantasy which then led me to understand that being the breadwinner and supporting the woman was what I lacked before and why women rejected me in my earlier feminist state.

The lesson I drew was that when I was a feminist man women rejected me because I was a feminist man, that it was my feminism that repulsed women because it was my feminism that made me weak and led me to have nothing to offer women. Furthermore my feminism was morally wrong as it was morally wrong for me to not offer to women what the women needed from me and wanted from me. Patriarchy was morally right because it provided to women a good life and provided to children a good home to grow up in but feminism was morally wrong.

What happened next was that women rejected me because I was now pro-patriarchy and therefore “sexist” and an “oppressor” and things like that but after my conversion to patriarchy I experienced this rejection in a totally different way. After my conversion to patriarchy I experienced women’s rejection of me as proof of my heroism and good moral character and that I was standing up for what was right and that the feminist women were wrong. The feminist women were wrong because they wanted me to return to the man I was before who was rejected and hated by women for my weakness and who was immoral and selfish because I wasn’t giving to women what women needed from me and deserved from me as a man. I responded to women rejecting me romantically by turning my mind towards politics and the great crusade against feminism thinking if I couldn’t serve women through a personal relationship with a woman I could serve women through the political means of making the culture overall more friendly and supportive of women’s needs by making the culture overall patriarchal instead of feminist.

High School was when I loved women the most, that was when I was still part of the “community” in a certain way and when I was surrounded by women many of whom I was attracted to and some of whom were attracted to me. When I advocate for patriarchy today I feel like I am doing my duty to the women I loved in high school who were good women deserving of my love and especially deserving of my support; women I failed because of my shameful indifference to them due to my feminism.

 
Related Articles:

Why I Am Not a Men’s Rights Activist

After my Conversion to Patriarchy to become more Powerful and Important in Women’s Lives so that Women would Love Me

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About Jesse Powell TFA

Anti-Feminist, MRA, Pro-Traditional Women's Rights Traditional Family Activist (TFA)
This entry was posted in Gender Politics Analysis, Personal History and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to My Escape from the Prison of Feminism

  1. Hello, Jesse 🙂 In your life, you seem to associate being a feminist man with weakness and lack of confidence, and being a patriarchal man with strength and self assurance. I just want to point out that it can go the other way too. There are lots of feminist men who have tons of self-confidence-Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are two examples-and I have met traditional men who come across as weak. For instance, before I met my husband I did some internet dating; sometimes, I would be the one who asked the man out. At the time, I saw no problem with this, but what caused me to have second thoughts about it was the fact that two different men whom I had asked out both told me that they never asked women out because, they said, they were too shy. Both of them did, in fact, come across as insecure; why they were insecure, I don’t know. Both of them were good looking, both of them were successful in their careers, and both professed to have traditional values, but they were just total wimps when it came to women. I never kept track, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were actually the two most successful men that I dated, career wise: both of them were successful at a young age, and one had just published a book professionally. Even so, I totally dumped both of them; both of them had many wonderful qualities, but there was just no way that I could consider being with a man who refused to ever ask a woman out.

    I know a guy who is extremely successful with women, and who seems almost to pride himself on doing as little as possible for them: he is such a jerk, and not traditional at all, but he comes across as very decisive and confident and women seem to like that.

  2. I specifically associate being a patriarchal man with caring about women more and caring about children more and a feminist man as someone who abandons and disregards their responsibilities towards women and children. I am not so focused on the persona part of being confident and self-assured and projecting strength. It is certainly good for a man to be able to send such positive signals to women but ideally when a man projects good characteristics to women the signal is backed up by reality instead of the signal just being a sort of manipulation device to fool women into thinking a man is higher quality than he actually is.

    I do not doubt that there are feminist men who do well with women and traditionalist men who are a bit clueless but my goal in being a traditionalist man is not to “get women” per se as my own particular kind of “game”, my goal is to be a good man and hopefully as part of me being a good man some good woman will notice and want a relationship with me because she perceives me to be a good man; an attractive man and a morally good man. Even if being a traditionalist got me no women at all I would still be a traditionalist just because I should be a traditionalist, because it is right.

    One thing that is for sure is that feminism is bad stuff in terms of the well being of children and the maintenance of society regardless of whether feminist men can “get laid” or not. I’m keeping my mind on the big picture here.

    In terms of society overall however it is definitely true that a traditional patriarchal society has much more successful men in terms of their relationships with women than a feminist society does in terms of traditional societies having much higher marriage rates and much lower divorce rates than what we see today. This indicates “success with women” being much more widespread and more effectively taught and passed from generation to generation in traditional cultures where the emphasis on duty and the obligation to contribute to women is high and where male authority is also high.

    The whole idea of “getting laid” is corrupt thinking anyways. The goal should be committed marriage where the man fully supports the woman so the woman can fully support the children or others in need of the woman’s care and time.

    • I totally agree with you that men who just want to get laid as often as possible are corrupt; I try to avoid blaming society for things, but in the case of these men, I believe that society deserves part of the blame. There are factions in our society-and many of them are traditional factions-which tell us that all men really care about is sex, that men will have sex at any and every opportunity, and that if a man doesn’t have sex at every opportunity, then he is somehow not a real man, or is even possibly gay. Even in spite of feminism, most young men want to prove that they really are men: too often, the message they receive from both liberals and conservatives is that real men have as much sex as possible, with as many women as possible. If a young man is charming and capable of having sex with lots of different women but chooses not to, then he is somehow suspect. There really is a great deal of pressure in our society on young men to be promiscuous, and it isn’t a good thing.

  3. Женщина says:

    Tl;dr

    Me me me me meeeeeeeeeee

    • Женщина says:

      Jesse, I don’t mean this in a disparaging way, but have you ever considered getting screened for asperger’s/ASD? I say so because your blog really does suggest that possibility.

  4. Ah, yes. The Autism Spectrum Disorder thing. I am very good at math, top 1% according to tests I took in school. Also as a kid I did enjoy fantasy games by myself quite a bit, probably more than “normal.”

    I suppose what knocked me out of the romantic marketplace in my early life was a combination of genetic inclination towards being more of a loner and being “hyper-intellectual” and stuff (the ASD part) and parenting that was neglectful towards me and sought to attack my independent developmental abilities and the overall feminist environment that sought to attack my abilities and inclinations as a man. I blame feminism for the bad parenting part because the type of bad parenting I received fits with the “feminist syndrome” of not caring about children and women (my mother) should be dominant and stuff like that. I blame feminism for the wider cultural environment that told me that masculinity is bad and men being assertive is bad and men wanting to take care of women is bad. I can’t blame feminism for the ASD part; that is true enough.

    If I was born in a healthy patriarchal society my parents would have been good parents who would have made an effort to prepare me socially for adulthood and they would have encouraged my natural strengths and positive idealism as a man. Also the society overall would have encouraged my protective inclinations towards women and my efforts to assert myself as a man and to present myself to women in a confident way women would be attracted to. Presumably I would still have the ASD part but if I was weaker in the social skills and better at math with higher earning power that would have been an OK trade off that would not have harmed me significantly with women.

    However unfortunately I was not born in healthy patriarchal culture, I was instead born in a sick feminist culture so I was attacked by my family situation and attacked by the culture at large and had an inherited weakness socially leading to me being completely knocked out of access to women by the “normal” feminist approach to women that was the default that I was supposed to be using romantically.

    Well guess what, if feminism destroys my ability to form relationships with women then I’m not going to be a feminist anymore. No sane man will continue to embrace an ideology regarding how he should view and treat women if such a way of viewing and treating women leads women to universally reject him. Women rejected me when I was a feminist because I was a feminist; therefore feminism is bad. I got the message and I now understand. Feminism is bad and I should have never been a feminist. Women can’t “take it back” and tell me that feminism is good now because women already told me at a very visceral level that feminism is bad and that I was bad when I was a feminist because I was a feminist. I can’t unlearn that now.

    Of course this is not just all about me and my own personal experiences. I am just a single case study of a much larger picture. The time of my conversion to patriarchy around 1995 was a time when there was a lot of social conservatism “in the air” in the United States. A lot of talk of crime and the drug epidemic in the black community, a lot of talk about the skyrocketing out-of-wedlock birth ratio, a lot of talk about ending “welfare dependency” by no longer “subsidizing” single motherhood (particularly among blacks). So I tied in my own failures with women with the larger social trends that were being talked about and emphasized that indicated that relationship failure wasn’t just me, it was a large and growing societal problem. The out-of-wedlock birth ratio went from 5.3% in 1960 to 32.2% in 1995 in the United States indicating that family breakdown was rampant and out of control. It was in this wider setting combined with the things going on in my personal life that led to me allowing myself to have the forbidden romantic fantasy of “taking care of a woman” that led to my conversion to patriarchy; that yes the 1950s breadwinner man is the ideal, is “better,” is morally superior.

    I was very very alone as an atheist and a new convert to patriarchy. Messages from the culture even a little bit supportive of my views were very hard to come by. Things are better now with the rise of patriarchy within Christianity and I am trying to offer a voice of encouragement here on this website for others like me who are disconnected from religion but also see that feminism is a bad deal. Even more amazingly social statistics seem to be indicating that the period of social decline is almost over at least in the United States. So there is good news out there for people like me and even for society as a whole. Patriarchy is coming! I can feel it in my bones. 🙂

    • Женщина says:

      So you do have asd? Are you officially diagnosed, or are you pretty sure you do? I’m of the philosophy to believe people who self diagnose themselves.

  5. I’ve “suspected” that I am somewhere on the “autism spectrum” as they say. I have never been officially diagnosed or officially tested for anything related to autism but from what I have heard regarding other people talking about it I have noticed that I seem to have some of the strengths and weaknesses / vulnerabilities related to mild autism or aspergers or something. It has never been a “big thing” that other people have worried about or that I have worried about.regarding myself.

    I suppose you have noticed a lot of “manosphere” types having some kind of ASD thing going on. If I was to offer a theory regarding this being socially isolated and being fascinated by “patterns” and “figuring things out” and creating your own theories and explanations for stuff; something I personally love doing and think is great fun; might indeed be just the set up for being “mad at the world” and particularly “mad at women” and being opinionated enough about it and convinced enough about it to start up your own blog to rant and rave against the “injustice” you feel has been perpetuated against you. The “manosphere” is mostly men, as you know, and men want women romantically. You should keep in mind that a man with an autism related social deficit is not really going to care about not having many friends but he will care very much about women “not liking” him and if he doesn’t know why exactly women don’t “like” him and can’t “figure out” how to overcome women not “liking” him he is going to feel very distressed and very frightened by the “wall of rejection” he is getting from women.

    There are two answers for what the man faces; either something is wrong with him that he can’t fix (not easily anyways or that he doesn’t know how to fix) or there is something wrong globally with the women. In my interpretation of things first there was something wrong within me; my feminism that made me weak; and then after I “fixed” that problem by going for patriarchy instead of feminism then there was something wrong with women globally, that being the women being feminist; feminism being a kind of global culturally imposed disease. The manosphere types who possibly are affected by an ASD problem will face the same question, is it me or is it a system wide problem with women? Those who see the problem as system wide will probably blame feminism as that is the most obvious system wide potential problem going on and they can look at past social statistics themselves and see that relationship problems were much rarer before feminism “messed things up.”

    I’ve managed to keep my idealism and positive regard for women intact as I see feminism as a kind of external disease that is not the “fault” of women. Someone who is not idealistic towards women might have a much more hostile and nasty response to those who reject him “without reason” or “just cause” in their minds. If the whole world is telling you you are bad then either you’re bad or they’re bad. Universal rejection from women is indeed all of womankind telling you you are bad, that you are not attractive or desirable or worthy, that you are “less than” all these other men the women prefer over you. In this way anti-feminism is a kind of ego defense; to make it “their fault” and not “my fault.”

    If someone is unfairly accusing you of being “bad” and therefore deserving of “rejection” and then harms you in a serious way psychologically by rejecting you romantically and sexually in a way you cannot escape from since all women are rejecting you, not just specific women, you are going to be angry at them. “Why is the woman doing this? Maybe she is power hungry? She probably thinks she’s better than me. It’s that damn feminism that is making her power hungry and stuck up!” This then could be the psychological set up for the ranting and raving so often seen on the MRA blogs.

    My view of women is that they have a kind of disease and that I am to care for them even if they hate me because of their disease. Their hatred for me is their feminist disease talking, not the “real woman” underneath. I love the “real woman” underneath the feminist surface that is ranting and raving about what a sexist I am. This is how I manage to maintain my idealistic view of women in spite of women’s outward rejection of me. I am the protector and guardian of all women after all, not just those who agree with me or those who are healthy instead of sick.

    My stance of rejecting equality between the sexes in principle is necessary for me to be able to maintain my idealism towards women through this strategy. If I thought of women as my “equal” then I would be back in the rat hole of universal rejection because I was too weak and had nothing to offer women. Then I would be angry at all the “entitlement princesses” who wanted things from me I either couldn’t give them or didn’t want to give them and I’d be in MRA land.

    So anyways a man having an ASD problem might indeed make it more likely for him to show up as an MRA blogger leading to an overrepresentation of ASD among the MRA bloggers.

  6. Pingback: My Debt to the Women of High School | Secular Patriarchy

  7. I can see why you reject feminism – you are describing a system in your family where one person had to be in charge b/c of her gender, and it was not benevolent. You are describing a system of authoritarian priviledge, where whover has the upper hand uses it to get advantage. I personally think that any system which exploits one group at the expense of another is morally wrong, whether it is based on gender, class or race. Perhaps you are aware that many women end up calling themselves feminists b/c they are raised in families which say that they should not be educated, family resources should not be spent on them, they aren’t given a car, the men in the family go on vacation while the women stay home, and females contributions to family conversations are shut down? I grew up in a family like that. I was told to my face by an uncle that “a woman is not worth as much as a man.” That sort of thing is very painful to a teenager trying to forge an identity. But I also didn’t like the radical feminism that I encountered in college because it seemed to be doing much the same thing – devaluing one gender in order to lift the other up. Which is why i beleive in equality, but don’t identify myself as a feminist or a patriarchist.

  8. Xena says:

    Blaming feminism, women having choice and not picking you, you are just inadequate. Shame the woman who could help you, teach you, guide you to being a datable man cant help. According to your own philosophy. You can’t bow down to me as I teach you to be worthy of love. Shame that. Jesse. All the shames!

    • FamilyFirstForever says:

      Well, men have choices too and they are now choosing to disengage from women. More and more men are choosing not to marry and more men are becoming single fathers by choice. I don’t see how women overall could teach or guide anyone into becoming well-adjusted humans since single mothers are more likely to raise criminals and dysfunctional persons. And you are saying you want a man to bow down to you in order to teach him to be worthy of love? You want a love slave? What if a man said he wants a woman to bow down to him so he can teach her to be worthy of love? You would say that is sexism and you would be right. Well, you are a sexist too. Shame on you! All the shames!

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