[In the below post I have changed the names of my relatives but otherwise it is true to the best of my knowledge.]
I attended Easter Sunday service yesterday with my cousin David at an Acts 29 church near me. David is visiting my city, he usually lives far away from me, and it is the first time I have seen him in years. I took the opportunity of his proximity to invite him to a church service at the Acts 29 church near me hoping to “turn him on” to the Acts 29 Network.
I myself am not a Christian but I approve of the Acts 29 Church Network because I believe it is having a very positive impact on the culture. It is a part of the Christian Patriarchy Movement. All of the Acts 29 Churches teach the Biblical view of the family. As the Acts 29 doctrinal statement says “We are not egalitarians and do believe that men should head their homes and male elders/pastors should lead their churches with masculine love like Jesus Christ.”
My cousin David became a Christian 12 years ago and is currently in the process of seeking an endorsement as a Pentecostal minister. I am aware that the Acts 29 Network supports the planting of new churches and so I was thinking maybe my cousin could work with Acts 29 to found his own church. My purpose in inviting David to my local Acts 29 church was to encourage him to maybe work with the Acts 29 Network in some way in the future.
My Grandmother was born in 1916 and my Grandfather was born in 1915; they married each other in about 1940. There was trouble in both of my Grandparents’ families of origin; my Grandfather’s parents were divorced and my Grandmother’s mother was raised in an adoptive family due to her own parent’s divorce (my Grandmother’s Grandparents divorced). Presumably because of the family disruptions in prior generations my Grandmother took on the dominant position in her marriage with my Grandfather. Matriarchy or a feminist family model was established in my family line with my Grandparents.
My Grandfather was raised a Catholic and my Grandmother was raised a Christian but in her marriage she did not adhere to any organized church; she adhered to some self-styled religious rituals. How to raise the children religiously (my mother’s generation) produced some conflict but the net effect is that no cohesive religious message was transferred from my Grandparents to my mother and her siblings. The transmission of religious faith broke down in my Grandparent’s household. I am thinking this is largely due to my Grandmother’s dominance in her marriage; religious faith as practiced in 1940 probably would have been opposed to my Grandmother’s dominance over my Grandfather and for that reason religion had to go.
My Grandparents had 5 children; one of them my mother. John, my mother’s brother, rejected his family of origin at the age of 19 after witnessing his parents’ divorce at the age of 15 and moved far away. The details of his life after that are unknown.
In about 1955 my Grandmother became pregnant with Linda. During my Grandmother’s pregnancy she acquired German Measles. My Grandmother was told that German Measles is very dangerous to children developing in the womb and that the child she was carrying likely would suffer serious birth defects. Abortion was illegal at this time but not impossible to attain under dire circumstances. My Grandmother went to speak to a Catholic friend of hers who had many children asking whether she should seek an abortion perhaps by flying to Japan. As would be expected the Catholic woman told my Grandmother it is best to accept God’s will regarding the pregnancy. No effort was made to abort the child likely seriously harmed by German Measles. After Linda was born she turned out to be deaf and she had some correctable heart problems. All of my other Grandparents’ children were born healthy.
Of the 4 children of my Grandparents whose history is known all became atheists except for Linda. Linda spent the majority of her childhood being raised in a school for the deaf. She would go home to her parents during summer vacation but otherwise during her entire school years she was at the school for the deaf. The Pentecostals offered a ministry for the deaf at the school Linda went to and through this means Linda found Christ and became a Pentecostal. Linda met her husband at the school for the deaf she attended; her husband is also deaf. Linda had two children of her own that she raised as Pentecostals. These two children were perfectly healthy and can hear just fine; their parents’ deafness was not heritable.
Among the other 3 children who became atheists my mother had two children, her other sister had one child, and her brother had no children. All of the children not Linda’s children, the three of us, were raised as atheists.
Excluding John whose history is unknown and excluding Linda who was largely raised in the school for the deaf the 3 other children collectively had 3 children of their own; me being one of them. My peer cohort of 3 are all men in their early to mid 40s. None of us have any biological children. All of us are very weak in terms of making money or employment. My brother married a woman much older than himself and in that way is continuing the family tradition of weak men married to strong women who are dominant. Neither myself nor David have ever been married.
Looking at Linda provides a different story. She had two children of her own; first a daughter and then a son. Her children are now 28 and 30 years old. They both got married in their early 20s. Both of them now have 3 children of their own each. In both family households the man is dominant and is the financial provider and the woman is a stay at home mother. The women in each marriage are still young with 10 or more fertile years ahead of them. I believe that both families and all 6 of the children involved are still within the Pentecostal faith; they are certainly all still within the Christian faith.
My cousin David reached the decision to become a Pentecostal independently as a 32 year old man even though he was raised as an atheist. He himself believes in the patriarchal model of family life. He is now 44 and working towards developing his religious faith and seeking to teach it to others.
Myself, I am in my early 40s. I am still an atheist but I do believe in God in the sense of mankind being created by a force beyond our own reckoning and our own will and that we as men and women have a duty to obey the destiny imposed upon us by this greater force of creation. I seek to promote and teach the will of God as it is expressed in the duties of men and women in a patriarchal context.
My family history got deranged and separated from God’s plan within my Grandparent’s marriage. They had 4 children whose history is known. These 4 children in turn had 5 children of their own collectively. These 5 children in turn have had 6 children of their own collectively. Among the 4 original children of my Grandparents religion was destroyed for all but the one who was born deaf and found Christ at the school for the deaf she went to. Among the original 3 atheist children they in turn had 3 children of their own collectively. These 3 children in turn have had 0 children of their own collectively (all 3 of us being men over 40).
The atheist line of my Grandparents has been completely destroyed but the Pentecostal Christian line is thriving and vibrant with 6 children already. God has resurrected my family line from oblivion and has allowed it to be created anew from the single child in the womb afflicted with deafness.
As for me and David maybe we will have children of our own in the future and maybe not. At least though we will work to teach God’s message to others in the way we understand it so that others from other family lines may find God and in that way save their own family lines from the oblivion that awaits them if they insist on maintaining their own willful rejection of God’s plan as it relates to the duties that they owe to God as God created men and women.
Originally written April 9, 2012
Secular Patriarchy 
You say:
“Myself, I am in my early 40s. I am still an atheist but I do believe in God in the sense of mankind being created by a force beyond our own reckoning and our own will and that we as men and women have a duty to obey the destiny imposed upon us by this greater force of creation. I seek to promote and teach the will of God as it is expressed in the duties of men and women in a patriarchal context.”
Merriam-Webster says:
atheism noun (Concise Encyclopedia)
Critique and denial of metaphysical beliefs in God or divine beings. Unlike agnosticism, which leaves open the question of whether there is a God, atheism is a positive denial. It is rooted in an array of philosophical systems. Ancient Greek philosophers such as Democritus and Epicurus argued for it in the context of materialism. In the 18th century David Hume and Immanuel Kant, though not atheists, argued against traditional proofs for God’s existence, making belief a matter of faith alone. Atheists such as Ludwig Feuerbach held that God was a projection of human ideals and that recognizing this fiction made self-realization possible. Marxism exemplified modern materialism. Beginning with Friedrich Nietzsche, existentialist atheism proclaimed the death of God and the human freedom to determine value and meaning. Logical positivism holds that propositions concerning the existence or nonexistence of God are nonsensical or meaningless.
Jesse, you have to stop calling yourself an atheist. It’s not true. There is nothing wrong with believing in a higher power without being able to define it, most of us feel that way. God is ineffable, we’re not supposed to be able to limit him with our intellects.
What I hear in your writing is that you long to find a community of faith that will embrace you. I hope that you find that community, and I especially hope that you will one day stop lying to yourself and the world by calling yourself something that you are not.
A good man, which I know is what you strive to be, has the courage to face the world as he is Ask God to help you find that courage. He doesn’t care about achievement, He cares about what is in your heart. If you deny Him by calling yourself an atheist,you’re lying to the world, yourself and God. He will see it. So will any (good) woman you want to be near. You really have to deal with this.
I call myself an atheist because I don’t believe in the reality of a literal supernatural “God.” The outcome or product of evolution is God in terms of what I believe and then morality is based on a “God concept” that one is to “obey.” Assigning human like characteristics to “God” is then very useful psychologically and as a means of facilitating understanding.
The religious construction of morality is brilliant and I admire it very much and I consciously seek to emulate it but I am still separated from religion due to my lack of belief in a literal God. The fact that I admire religion and see it as socially good doesn’t change the fact of my atheism. Seeing religion as good and functional is different from believing in a literal supernatural God.
As far as “God” seeing the truth in my heart and “Him” being displeased with me because I am denying “His” existence by calling myself as atheist; all that is irrelevant to me because God doesn’t exist anyways. Evolution most certainly exists and evolution is the source of the natural order and the nature of men and women and evolution is why patriarchy is the correct social model for human beings. Evolution however doesn’t care whether I “believe” in it or not because evolution just is; it is true whether anybody believes it is true or not.
As far as a “good” woman disapproving of me because I deny God by calling myself an atheist. Certainly this is something I fear. I do not want to be rejected by a woman I want because she is religious and I am an atheist and the woman I want doesn’t want an atheist and will reject me because I am an atheist. However there is not much I can do about this problem because I can’t change the fact that I am an atheist so if a woman rejects me because I am an atheist then that is just too bad for me.
As far as me being accepted into a religious community; interestingly enough from the probing I have done it seems to me that even as an atheist I would still be accepted to a high degree in many religious communities, even conservative religious communities. Of course what is really important to me is that I be accepted by the women in conservative religious communities from the romantic point of view. That I imagine is a tougher barrier. However I only need one woman, the best woman and the right woman, to be a success with women.
Hey, my friend, I didn’t say anything about God being displeased. One has to be nuanced in discussions about God, I can see you missed my point.
None of us have the right to discount the possibility of others experiencing the Divine in their own way. I don’t think the danger for you lies in being rejected because you are an atheist. But your definition of atheism is, shall we say, not the usual one and it *appears* hypocritical of you to use the term God’s Grace – which apparently you reject.
Good luck out there Jesse.
Jesse = Shane. Be Honest!
I am also an atheist. However, I can see the appeal that religion/joining a religious community has. Much of my husband’s family attends church, although they are not religious. It does give people a sense of community and belonging, something I am sad to say that the atheist community does not. My husband and I live a very isolated life. His family don’t particularly approve of me because I am not educated, I don’t work and because I am white and my husband is asian. I personally don’t have any family of my own. Really, it’s just me, him and in 3 months time our new baby. I live in a block of flats mostly inhabited by childless professionals. Nobody talks to anyone. I remember when we first moved in and my husband had to carry a couch up 3 flights of stairs all on his own. A gay couple walked up the stairs, ignored us and did not offer to help him. There are no families with children at all that live here. I don’t even think that the landlady allows children in these flats, we just haven’t told her that we are expecting. It’s the same everywhere in my city, and when we told the truth we got turned down and had nowhere to live. There is no community. It’s extremely lonely here and I am alone all day when my husband goes to work. Even when I try to make friends with other women, even women who are married and/or have children they are exclusionary of me. They either don’t like the way that the relationship works with my husband, or they resent me for being a housewife, or I get shunned for not drinking or smoking. The atheist community is very lonely. I believe there is no logical basis for a god and I simply cannot believe there is one, although I have wondered if it’s good for my family to start attending church. I live in the UK however where there is not a very strong conservative community, so even church is no guarantee of meeting other housewives who are like minded.
May I also say Jesse that you seem like a wonderful man and I am very sad you are not married. I am my husband’s first ever romantic interest. We both met at the start of this year when we were in our late 20s. Things progressed very quickly and I am expecting a baby in 3 months time with him. He is my second husband. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage, although the Father has since barred me from seeing her after re-marrying. (I had good reasons to leave my first husband, he was violent with me and would not financially support me and he had other major issues. I made the mistake of letting my daughter stay at his house and now he won’t give her back).
My Husband also struggles to meet and form romantic relationships with women. He is short, thin, shy, socially awkward and chinese. British women just are not interested in him and he grew up in a predominantly white area and never really mixed much with the chinese community. I think he see’s himself as British and struggles with his ethnic origin. Prior to meeting me he had never been with any woman. He was losing hope of having a family of his own. He will be 30 in November and could have very well ended up being single for much longer had we not met. We met on pof (plentyoffish).
I really hope that you do find someone. As I said, you seem like a very good man. You are humble and you have very good values. I really hope you meet a woman in your church.
Thanks Hannahd for your concern and support regarding my personal life. In truth there is a particular woman that I hope to marry but I do still need to develop myself economically first. It is my responsibility to fully financially support my future wife.
It is true that here in the United States conservative complementarian / patriarchal religion is more developed than it is in the UK or Western Europe in general. Also as a traditional man the sex ratio is on my side; there being more traditional women out there than traditional men. Still there are performance demands I must meet as a traditional man that I have not met yet.
I am glad you have found a good man to be with. The idea that a young woman in the UK seeking a traditional man needs to go looking for a man from a more traditionalist immigrant community is interesting. I suppose that would be a viable option for a young woman to pursue.
My impression is that the United States is more culturally healthy than Britain in large part because of the greater religious influence in the United States.
Hannahd, do you have your own blog or something? You seem to have a lot to say that might be good for others to hear.
Yes I have thought about writing my own blog, mainly to give advice to young women. It’s something that I haven’t gotten around to yet, however, I am still reading other people’s blogs and I am still learning. I could have really done with this sort of advice years ago when I was in my teens (I am 27 now). Even better still, have these sorts of values instilled in me by my parents, which unfortunately didn’t happen. I ended up spending a long time making bad decisions and not looking after my health. I am doing the right things now but I wish I had done them earlier. If I do write a blog it will be to inspire young women to do the right thing. Especially low ses women, who often here in the UK go down a terrible path of self destruction and abusive, irresponsible men.
I am glad you have someone you can see yourself marrying. You seem like a very good man and your future wife will be very blessed. I wish you good luck for the future.