What do I have to offer a woman romantically as a man, as a traditional man? Intimacy, dominance, and service. Intimacy, dominance, and service. All three of these things are positives that I can contribute to a woman’s life; that I can give to a woman. All three of these things are something that I enjoy giving or asserting and all three of these things are of benefit to the woman and are a part of what a woman will admire and desire and want from me.
Intimacy is the easiest thing to desire and understand the value and importance of. The desire for intimacy is primal and basic. When a man is attracted to a woman the man’s core feeling and core drive is to “get close” to the woman he is attracted to; to experience intimacy with the woman he is attracted to. Intimacy can take different forms; you like simply looking at the woman, seeing how she acts and responds to others, paying close attention to what she says, paying close attention to her moods. You like talking with the woman. You seek importance in the woman’s life and try to monopolize her attention. You want to impress the woman and you want her to like you. In all of these things you are seeking intimacy with the woman. Sharing feelings, sharing each other’s life stories and life histories, revealing secrets that you generally keep well hidden, talking about your hopes and dreams for the future; these are more advanced more serious forms of intimacy. Then of course there is physical intimacy and sexuality.
When people think of their desire for a romantic partner what they are primarily motivated by is their desire for intimacy with an attractive member of the opposite sex. Indeed to be “attracted” to someone means precisely the strong desire to be intimate with that person; a more attractive person being a person with whom shared intimacy is more pleasurable; someone you want to “be near” more, someone who has the power to make you feel good based on their romantic approval of you and their interaction with you or even their mere presence within your vicinity.
In modern feminist culture this desire for intimacy often seems to be presented as the entire justification for romantic relationships, as the whole purpose of “sharing your life” with another. The desire for intimacy is primal and basic but intimacy by itself is not the whole justification or reason for romantic relationships and in particular marriage. Intimacy is the reward or pleasure center of a romantic relationship but service is the purpose of a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship cannot be based on intimacy alone; intimacy instead is part of an overall package. Intimacy, masculine dominance, and male service on behalf of women is what healthy high functioning romantic relationships are based on.
Intimacy by itself is dangerous for a woman; it is neglecting the woman’s needs at a fundamental level. If all you have to offer a woman is intimacy, your love for her, then you are not offering the woman much at all. Indeed for a woman to accept such an offer of only love and nothing in addition from a man that woman will be very seriously harming herself as her feminine purpose as a woman requires male support and protection and guidance. A woman needs from a man not only the man’s love for her and desire for her; she in addition needs and is entitled to the man’s superior strengths and abilities as a man, these superior strengths of the man being the fields of resource provision and acquisition and the judgment and planning and rule setting and organization skills related to authority and leadership. In other words a woman not only needs a man’s love, a man’s intimacy; she also needs a man’s money and a man’s dominance. You as a man must be prepared and willing to not only give a woman your intimacy and love but also to give her the fruits of your labor (your hard earned money) and to give her the effort and attention and self-discipline and commitment that put together form the basis of your competent and caring dominance over her. A woman needs your intimacy, your dominance, and your service to her combined together; intimacy by itself is not enough.
In addition to love you must view yourself as being in service to the woman you love. Being attracted to a woman necessarily means you are in service to the woman, that you are taking on an obligation to serve the woman, to be protective of the woman’s interests and to place her needs above your needs, that you are in debt to the woman, that you owe the woman. Attraction should be combined with service in your mind. To be attracted to a woman means to want to serve that woman. Your attraction to her is a signal that you want to serve her more than other women, that she is a priority above other women. The woman you love the most is the woman you want to serve the most, the woman you want to dedicate your life to through marriage.
Service takes various forms. The most obvious and fundamental form of service to a woman is financial support. A man has an obligation to financially support his wife and his family, his wife and his children, 100%. This is rule number one regarding what men owe women, in particular what husbands owe their wives. Service is also the man being a good father to his children, the parenting role of father being a form of service to the woman on behalf of her children in addition to being a direct benefit to the man’s children themselves. Service is also the man’s assertion of dominance over his wife to better enable his role as husband and his assertion of dominance over his children to better enable his role as father. Masculine dominance is a form of service to the woman as it serves the purpose of making the man’s relationship with the woman run more smoothly and predictably and creating overall peace and order in the family relationships without the woman having to put forth much effort to “make things work.”
Dominance is also an important aspect of what a man must give to a woman and what a man must possess in order to stabilize and make secure a good functioning partnership with the woman. Male dominance makes a romantic relationship secure and stable taking a burden off the woman’s mind but more importantly I would say male dominance is necessary to male service; to male investment in the woman and in particular to protect the man from abuse and exploitation while the man’s fulfills his duties and obligations for the woman’s support and upkeep (the man’s marital obligation to fully financially support his wife). Male dominance and male service go together. The number one reason why male dominance is necessary is because male service on behalf of women is necessary; because a woman must be supported by a man in order to fulfill her role and purpose as a woman.
Intimacy, dominance, and service go together. The first part of intimacy is attraction; you want to be intimate with those you are attracted to. The thing is, from the woman’s point of view, a man is attractive if he displays characteristics and behavior patterns that indicate competent ethical dominance and an ability and willingness to serve the woman’s interests. In other words women’s attraction to men is based on men’s ability to signal dominance and service orientation and capacity and intimacy in turn is based on attraction. This means the woman’s desire for intimacy with a man, a woman’s attraction to a man, is derivative of that man’s apparent inclination and ability to be dominant and to serve. In this way intimacy is linked to dominance and service, it is not something separate from dominance and service.
Dominance is linked to intimacy as a man will naturally have a dominant persona when expressing or asserting intimacy with a woman. A man will present himself in a dominant way when he “approaches” a woman or initiates interaction with a woman or expresses affection towards a woman directly. A man will also have a tendency to try to “take control” in his interaction with a woman he is attracted to in general. It is not emotionally safe for a man to be intimate with a woman he is not dominant over as he is highly vulnerable to being “taken advantage of” if he is not in the dominant position since his orientation is to serve the woman and place her needs above his.
Dominance is linked to service as a man can only be secure in the rightness of serving a woman if he has control over the woman he is in service to. The man has to be able to protect his investment in the woman in order to be able to invest in the woman fully; a relationship between a man and a woman only being fully functional when the man’s investment in the woman is very high. Dominance is the means by which a man is enabled to protect his investment in a woman thereby enabling him to invest in the woman in the first place. Service to the woman and investment in the woman being the same thing; the man invests in the woman by means of serving the woman.
Service is linked to intimacy as a man most wants to serve the woman he most wants to be intimate with; intimacy functioning as a reward and motivation for service. Service is linked to dominance as dominance is what enables service. You only serve someone if you are dominant over them as the man’s dominance over the woman reassures the man that his contribution to the woman will ultimately promote and further the higher idealistic purpose he intends his romantic relationship to serve.
Intimacy, dominance, and service are therefore all linked together; they are all part of a package. As a man you owe a woman intimacy, dominance, and service. Intimacy alone is not enough, not nearly enough. What you have as a man to offer a woman is your ability to love her, your intimacy; your ability to care for her and be of benefit to her through your assertion of dominance in service to her; and your ability to serve her through financial support and taking on the various roles and duties associated with being a husband and being a father. All this combined is of great benefit to a woman, it is something a traditional woman will value and respect very highly. With all this that you possess as a man to offer a woman you will find that very high quality traditional women will desire you and will be willing to give to you their gifts as women in exchange for what you have to offer them as a man.
The desire for intimacy in response to attractive characteristics in the opposite sex is pretty much inborn and automatic. Dominance and service on the other hand is a skill you have to develop. You can’t have real value as a man based on your love for women alone; your love for women has to be combined with your ability to assert competent non-selfish idealistic dominance over the object of your affections and your ability to financially support and serve the object of your affections. To truly love a woman passion and desire and romantic idealization is not enough; if you love her you will take care of her.
Companion Article: Intimacy, Submission, and Service to Others