A Man’s Masculine Identity in a Romantic Relationship

I want to serve a woman; I want to take care of a woman. A woman I am in love with, ideally the woman I love the most. This is a simple desire it seems. A noble desire. A heroic calling.

There is an oddity however, that is that most women in this feminist society do not want a man to serve them and take care of them in the way I intend to serve and take care of a woman. The conflict has to do with power and control. The feminist woman, the woman who accepts the currently dominant social ideology of feminism, wants to dictate to the man in what way she wants the man to serve her or to take care of her or not. Under feminism it is the woman who decides what men in general owe women in general and how a particular man should treat a particular woman in order to gain the woman’s approval. Under feminism everything is centered around the woman’s approval and a behavior is good if the woman likes it and it is bad if the woman doesn’t like it; the woman’s preference or reaction being what determines the moral character of an act.

This puts me in a difficult situation as a man. If I am good towards a woman based on objective criteria and objective moral standards then I will be viciously attacked by the feminists for failing to put the woman’s demands of me first. If I kowtow to the woman’s demands of me then I will be hailed as a hero and given all sorts of approval and praise. The problem however with kowtowing to feminist demands is that it makes me an immoral participant in the feminist woman’s selfishly oriented dysfunctional agenda. If I truly internalized the feminist message it would harm me even further as I would then fail to pursue my own purpose and ambition as a man which would lead me to disengage from any efforts towards self-improvement and would weaken any sense I had of responsibility or duty towards women. This then would ultimately lead to women rejecting me anyways on the basis of me not having anything to offer them. This in addition to the well known fact that women are not attracted to men who pander to them regardless.

When I talk about my desire to serve a woman what I mean is to make the woman’s life better and more functional in her role and purpose as a woman; in other words I am serving her in her role as a woman, her feminine role as a woman. I do not want to help a feminist woman be more “empowered” and “independent” as a feminist woman; I instead want to facilitate and encourage a woman’s natural tendency to be dependent upon a man to better enable the woman to serve others as a woman; as a feminine woman. When I talk about my desire to take care of a woman I am likewise thinking in terms of enabling and encouraging the woman to become dependent upon a man to enable her to focus on her service to others based on her feminine strengths as a woman.

I definitely have an agenda in mind when I think of my duty to women and my desire to serve a woman and to take care of a woman; that agenda being to remove the woman from the masculine realm and to place her into the feminine realm where she belongs as a woman. This agenda being a kind of masculine assertion. By removing a woman from the masculine realm by means of taking care of her so she doesn’t have to take care of herself I am simultaneously empowering and supporting her femininity and also asserting and establishing my own masculinity; my agenda being the assertion of my own masculinity and my own higher noble purpose as a man. The way I accomplish this goal is by giving to a woman the opportunity to express her femininity and serve her feminine function in life. In this way enabling a woman to become a “real woman” is the means by which I become a “real man.”

What I don’t want is to be doing a woman’s bidding to please her or to gain her approval. That is completely the wrong dynamic because my focus is to serve my role and purpose as a man, it is not to be enabling a woman’s selfishness or to be pandering to her whims or to let her overall inferior judgment override my overall superior judgment. My job is to be “the man” and not to let the woman take control of things. Authority and decision making and rule setting is the masculine realm and so as the man I need to claim this territory for myself.

When you are attracted to a woman or when you love a woman you very much want that woman’s approval; you want her to like you and for her to give you positive emotional responses and ultimately you hope she will allow you to enter into a romantic relationship with her. This makes it very tempting to “give in” when a woman makes demands on you in order to get praise and you hope romantic approval and acceptance from the woman. Feminists also are very much into guilt trips claiming to be “oppressed” or “discriminated against” when they don’t get their way or when men stand up to them and their bullying tactics. Furthermore feminists make the claim that benefiting or serving a woman necessarily means obeying the demands a woman places on you because after all isn’t it nonsensical to think it is possible to benefit or serve someone “against their will” so to speak by acting against their expressed wishes?

What you have to keep in mind in all of this as a man is that your primary purpose is to do the right thing and to do your duty as a man and to live up to your responsibilities as a man; your purpose is not to give into women or to do what women tell you to do. Your duty is to objective truth and objective moral standards; not to women’s stated preferences or demands on you.

The problem with “giving in” to a woman’s demands on you or succumbing to feminists’ manipulation and control tactics is that it is immoral; it is something that either harms you as a man in your relationship with the woman or it harms children the woman has a responsibility and duty towards or it harms the woman herself by creating a dysfunctional dynamic that will lessen your ability to support her long term or possibly is against her interests simply because she is not seeing the big picture when making her demands. As a man it is your job to maintain control of the overall social environment you are in for the benefit of all parties in that social environment. You cannot allow yourself to be bullied or manipulated into handing power over to the woman just because she demands it or just because she wants it because regardless of how much she wants or demands such power she is not entitled to it because such power is inconsistent with and detrimental to her role as a woman. You as the man are the one who needs to be responsible and “in charge” as that is a fundamental part of your role and your duty as a man.

What I want is to be loved as a man and respected as a man and for the woman to allow me to fulfill my role as a man so that she in turn with my support can fulfill her role as a woman. The key point here being my desire to be loved and respected “as a man” by a woman who supports my role as a man and is grateful to me for my efforts to serve her as a man. I am a man first and foremost and my focus is to do my best in acting out the male role. It is no good if I gain approval through pandering or comprising my moral principles or by shirking my masculine duties; I only want approval if it is honorable and based on me living up to my duties and my role as a man well.

I don’t want a woman who is a feminist because I don’t want to dedicate my life to someone who fundamentally hates what I was created to be; that being a masculine man with male duties and a male role to play and a male identity to live up to and fulfill. I will also say that I don’t want a woman with a significant or strong feminist syndrome. I am not just talking about women who self-identify as feminists here; I am talking about women who will have a general tendency to attack me and undermine me and manipulate me and resent me all for the purpose of trying to take power that rightfully belongs to me and steal it away for themselves. This is what I am referring to here as the “feminist syndrome.”

The feminist syndrome is kind of an overall selfish narcissistic mentality that women are above others; that women matter more and their interests and needs are more important than others’ interests and needs and that therefore women are entitled to get what they want simply because they want it. To promote this selfish “women first” orientation a false narrative of victimization is created where a woman is always “oppressed” or “victimized” when she doesn’t get what she wants or isn’t allowed to harm others for her own selfish benefit. The major theme of feminist syndrome is the lust for power; always what the women wants must be controlled and determined by the woman herself so that “treating women fairly” is always set up so that the woman gets her way. If you don’t then do what the woman tells you to do or act like the woman wants you to act then you are accused of abusing the woman in one way or another.

The psychology of feminist syndrome is an interesting thing to contemplate on. It seems like the woman feels that men are out to attack them and abuse them and victimize them and that therefore they must attack and abuse and victimize the man first both as self defense and as aggression. The man is simply defined as being bad and untrustworthy and therefore unworthy of power or respect. Also there is an absence of God or what I call the Superior Power; in particular the truth of there being inherent inherited differences between men and women is vigorously denied. There is the atheistic idea that human beings simply create and define themselves; that there is no objective truth or objective moral standards out there that one is obligated to “obey” and certainly no differences between men and women are “real” unless of course the difference favors the woman.

There is also a male version of feminist syndrome that I would advise women to stay away from. The male version of feminist syndrome is basically disregarding women’s legitimate needs as women. An unwillingness to support women or take care of women in practical ways. An absence of concern or regard for women’s needs and feelings. A desire to distance oneself from women and not get “too involved” in the woman’s life. An absence of concern for or investment in children; children being seen as a “woman’s thing.” The feminist man eagerly gives up his power to the woman so that he doesn’t have to deal with the various responsibilities his role as a man entails and so that he doesn’t have to deal with the “burden” of providing for the woman’s needs.

I don’t want a feminist woman and I don’t want a woman with a significant “feminist syndrome” either. I want a woman who respects me as a man and wants me to be a good man and wants me to fulfill my complete role as a man; both the provide for and protect part of the masculine role and also the authority rule making decision making part of the masculine role.

All this being said I want to add that women being assertive is not always bad. Women asserting themselves is good when done for the purpose of protecting their role as women. A woman standing up for her right to be taken care of by the man is good. A woman wanting the man to respect the feminine role she wants to pursue in her relationship with the man is good. A woman wanting to be treated well by the man is good. The woman placing performance demands on the man before agreeing to enter into a relationship or marriage with the man is good. All of these things I would characterize as the woman seeking status in her relationship with the man. The woman having status and seeking to maximize her level of status and being assertive for the purpose of defending and establishing her status with the man are all good things. The woman’s status in this context refers to the man treating her right, the man valuing the woman’s role and purpose as a woman, the man supporting the woman’s role and purpose as a woman. Status is something the woman should have and must have and it is something the woman should fight for and defend and assert in relation to the man.

The woman asserting and defending her status is good; the woman struggling and scheming for power is bad. Power being control over the specifics or “getting your way” in a conflict. The woman should not be directing or controlling things at the decision making level based on her volitional control or “will” but the woman’s needs and interests in furtherance of her higher idealistic purpose as a woman should be the controlling overriding factor of what the man decides in his authority role on the woman’s behalf. This is what I mean when saying the woman should have status but not power.

The feminist man will tend to downgrade and demean the woman by denying her the status that she deserves. The feminist woman will tend to downgrade and demean the man by denying him the power that he deserves. For more on this status versus power issue I recommend my previous article:

Status versus Power in Women’s Relationships with Men

I want a woman who wants to be a woman and who wants me as a man to be a man. A woman who will not hate me or despise me for “daring” to “tell her what to do” but will instead see and experience my authority assertions for what they are intended to be; simply me being a man trying my best to fulfill my role as a man to the best of my abilities to make my relationship with her good and to make it safe and sustainable for myself to take care of her as I should as the man who loves her and has chosen to be with her above all other women.

Love should be a good and happy thing. Being a man should be something to be proud about and a role and a duty to be taken very seriously indeed. I am not going to apologize for being a man and I will not shrink from my responsibilities and role as a man. I want a woman who will let me be a man and encourage me in my male role so that I can enable her to fulfill her role and destiny and purpose as a woman. I want a “real woman” and so must develop myself into the “real man” I was always meant to be ready and able to take on all of the burdens and all of the responsibilities of true honorable manhood with love for and in service to women.

Related Article:
Masculinity and Man’s Purpose as a Man

About Jesse Powell TFA

Anti-Feminist, MRA, Pro-Traditional Women's Rights Traditional Family Activist (TFA)
This entry was posted in Men's Duties, Relationship Dynamics and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to A Man’s Masculine Identity in a Romantic Relationship

  1. infowarrior1 says:

    OT but have you seen this video?

    Would be interested in your opinions on it after you finished.

  2. Yes I did see the video before shortly after it came out but refreshing myself on it by watching it again was interesting and worthwhile. At the 40:40 point in the video I got a nice little trip down memory lane when the old Feminine Mystique site of the original TWRA group at that point headed by Edita was brought up. The TWRAs were quite an amazing find for me when I first discovered them.

    It is funny how the video starts out with MRA (Men’s Rights Activist) glorification and full throated support of the Equal Rights Amendment. It just goes to show that feminists and MRAs are pretty much the same as each other; that they are both enemies of the family and good harmonious relationships between men and women. Feminists are female supremacists while MRAs are male supremacists; there really is no basis for an MRA claiming to be better than a feminist or even different from a feminist except for the part about which gender they think is “better than” the other.

    I’m not a female supremacist or a male supremacist; I am instead a God supremacist. Both men and women should “obey” their respective God defined and created gender roles. That is the answer to the gender wars; both men and women in submission to God in service to each other.

    The relentless emphasis on glorifying and promoting male selfishness is quite striking in the video I must say. Also the video goes out of its way to bash the stay-at-home mother just like feminists do. The video also promotes the gender bending of men taking on traditionally female roles more; again just like the feminists promote.

    Watching the video reminds me of how glad I am that I never fell into the MRA trap. I personally am proud and happy to be a man in service to women as God intended and as God created me to be.

    • infowarrior1 says:

      @Jesse Powell
      ”Feminists are female supremacists while MRAs are male supremacists; there really is no basis for an MRA claiming to be better than a feminist or even different from a feminist except for the part about which gender they think is “better than” the other.”

      I think the basis of this is that patriarchy only functions best in agrarian societies without mechanization. However with modern mechanization negative female nature ensues that patriarchy cannot properly function ensuing its demise.

      They also base their theories on evolutionary theory for example:

      This secular paradigm therefore leads to the conclusion of a zero-sum game. Where either men or women win the gender war.

  3. Patriarchy doesn’t require material poverty or an agrarian lifestyle to work. The Ultra-Orthodox Jews prove this point with their very effective patriarchal religious based subculture that produces many children and very low divorce rates in America today largely based in New York City. Yes definitely worldwide rural areas have lower divorce rates than urban areas but this can be explained by economic development being less advanced in rural areas and family disruption being triggered by economic development. Economic development then acts as a kind of external new disruptive force that people are not used to that “disrupts things” and “messes things up” in terms of human relationships and family behaviors. It is not that economic development per se makes traditional family arrangements impossible or unworkable; it is that economic development as a new external shock disrupts the prior existing social system leading to the process of self-reinforcing decline that we call feminism. Religion and a God focus like the Ultra-Orthodox Jews have been able to put together the last couple of decades is capable of rebuilding or reestablishing a functional patriarchal cultural model even right in the middle of current day New York City in the United States.

    People can choose patriarchy and put together a social system that works regardless of the physical environment they are in; religion apparently being the most effective means to do this.

    This is why I put an emphasis on obedience to God as the means of escaping the gender war. Obeying God means seeing yourself as part of the greater whole, trying to support the overall good rather than just looking out for yourself selfishly, and acting according to your inherited gender role so that the man and woman can work together cooperatively rather than fighting each other or being in competition with each other.

    Neither MRAs nor feminists seem to ever factor in God or the Superior Power or the collective interest into their thinking. This I think is the major underlying error of both MRAs and feminists.

    The basic underlying theme of traditional patriarchy is women’s interests above men’s interests with men having authority over women and both men and women ultimately being under the authority of God.

    Men and women fighting each other is not going to solve the problem; only submission to God will solve the problem.

  4. zhell says:

    I thought you were secular?

  5. I am an atheist meaning I do not believe in the existence of a literal supernatural God. However I do believe that the process of evolution led to significant and important inherited differences between males and females in the human species and that these inherited differences lead to traditional patriarchy being the best social form for human beings. In this way evolution derived inherited differences between men and women create an “external order” that humans are obligated to “obey.” Failure to obey this external order imposed upon us due to our genetics leads to problems and societal failure; this being why feminism doesn’t work in practice. Obedience to the external order imposed upon us by our genes does work as it fits with our inborn desires and strengths; this being why traditional patriarchy does work in practice. I then refer to this external order as the Superior Power or God that one is obligated to “obey” because it is easy to grasp and understand the idea of “obeying God” emotionally and intellectually as a kind of central organizing principle of morality.

    I think it is important that atheists and others not tied to organized religion still have a “God concept” that they can use and understand for moral decision making and understanding. Atheists are at a real disadvantage compared to the religious regarding moral matters and in particular relationships between men and women without a “God concept” of their own that they can use and understand as atheists.

  6. Pingback: Masculinity’s Purpose in a Man’s Life | Secular Patriarchy

  7. Pingback: What’s the most confusing thing about being a man today? | Secular Patriarchy

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