What is the purpose of marriage, what is the purpose of the sacrifice and the idealism of marriage? Without marriage children will not be provided for and taken care of as they should, as they deserve as children. It is possible to continue to have children without marriage, having children outside of marriage and single motherhood and such, but it is definitely not possible to have a civilized sustainable community without marriage.
Refusing marriage means men abandoning women and children leaving women and children to a dark fate; a life of extreme burden for the abandoned single mother and chaos and disorder for the children. For the man it means a lifetime of wandering aimlessness and disconnection from any comforting emotional bonds or sense of heroic purpose to motivate and justify his life.
Is marriage “rational” from the man’s point of view? I am not so sure. Marriage is definitely moral and rewarding and “good” from the man’s point of view but I am not sure it is “rational” in the sense of the man putting in a particular effort and then getting a “good enough” or “reasonable” reward for his efforts. Marriage is not an exchange of services between husband and wife that the husband will necessarily see as a “good deal” for himself. The reward for the husband is not based on what the wife gives to him in return; the reward to the husband is fulfilling and achieving his higher idealistic purpose as a man and enjoying the love and respect and admiration of his wife and his children in appreciation.
Also let’s not forget romantic feelings; a man will have very strong romantic feelings for women in adolescence and early adulthood. These powerful romantic feelings in the man is a message to him that WOMEN MATTER; that women matter to him a great deal. That the woman has something that the man wants very very much; that being the woman’s romantic approval and acceptance and the woman’s sexuality. These romantic and sexual feelings being a strong motivator for the man to want to “be close” to the woman; marrying the woman being the best most logical way to “be close” to the woman that the man loves the most.
So there are many reasons for men to marry; there is the societal social need for marriage; the need for children to have fathers and the need for mothers and women in general to have husbands. There is the man’s need for emotional attachments and higher idealistic purpose. And then there is just the basic fact that the man has fallen in love with a woman and desperately wants to be with her and to “possess” her.
There are however many expectations and responsibilities and burdens that a man must take on to be accepted as a husband by the woman that he desires and the man must be “the best” that the woman can get from the woman’s point of view and perception of things; he must “beat the competition” and perform, perform better than any other man.
The point has never been for marriage to be easy and “rewarding” for the man; the point has always been men’s role and men’s duty in the society overall and as head of household in the family. The point has always been men’s duty to make society and family life work against all challenges and dangers that may come the man’s way.
Something bad however has happened in modern society regarding relationships between men and women. Men are attacked and undermined when they try to take on the responsibilities and duties of being a man; a man seeking to plan and direct his relationship with a woman will be accused of being a sexist, a man seeking to financially support his wife will be accused of being oppressive and trying to undermine the woman or make the woman dependent upon him. Society does not support men being husbands. Society may encourage men to marry women but society does not want men to actually act as husbands in their marriages to women; a husband being an authority figure in relation to his wife, being dominant over his wife, and the husband being responsible for the upkeep and support of his wife, the financial support of his wife.
This drive for “equality” between men and women has destroyed the idealism and sacrificial sense of duty of a husband on behalf of his wife; instead marriage is expected to be a transactional kind of relationship of “mutual benefit” where the man thinks to himself “what’s in it for me?” Is it “rational” for a man to get married in this day and age?
Instead of the heavy commitment and investment of marriage now there is “hooking up,” sex with no strings attached, the Pick Up Artist (PUA) who “pumps and dumps” women. Now there is easy sex as an alternate to marriage; marriage being hard requiring sacrifice where the man will just be attacked and vilified and maybe stolen from and abused in the end anyways. The glamorous life of the PUA beckons; easy sex with multiple “hot” women, no commitment and no responsibility, never fall in love so you never get hurt or taken advantage of as a chump, always be in control with an array of psychological manipulation techniques to make sure you get what you want from women and that you are on the winning side of the transaction. Better yet, while you’re at it, punish these slutty feminist women and beat them at their own manipulative game; make sure that you always reject them at the end.
As Roosh V himself put it in his post “You Become What You Fight”:
“At the height of my PUA days, I declared feminists as my enemy. They were degenerate, anti-family, and promiscuous. This was at the peak of when I embarked on behavior that was degenerate, anti-family, and promiscuous. My attacks against them were one way of relieving the guilt and discomfort of my own behavior, since most of the girls I slept with had to have feminist thoughts in their minds to allow me to gain easy sex. I was experiencing pleasurable orgasms with the enemy in the evening then writing about how bad they were the day after.”
What is the purpose of sex? The purpose of sex has two parts. The practical purpose of sex is to make babies. The emotional purpose of sex is to form and strengthen and maintain a romantic bond, a love attachment between a man and a woman. Then as a side effect sex feels good, sex feels good to motivate the man and the woman to make babies and form a romantic bond together to then be prepared to take care of the babies together as a couple. So sex makes babies, sex forms and promotes romantic attachment, and sex feels good.
What then happens with sexual promiscuity? In sexual promiscuity the baby making part is minimized with birth control, there is a willful choice to deny and minimize romantic attachment, and the focus is on the pure pleasure reward of sex. In other words the purpose of sex; procreation and love; is disregarded while the side effect of sex, the pleasure of sex, is held up as the central purpose of the sex. The side effect of sex is cast as the purpose of sex while the true and real purposes of sex are denied and minimized.
Does this work in reality, does sexual promiscuity work in reality? No because the true purposes of sex cannot be eliminated merely by will, the true purposes of sex remain even when it is inconvenient to our pleasure seeking agenda. Though “unintended” pregnancies may be uncommon in low-commitment hook ups they still happen sometimes; out-of-wedlock births being more common in partially committed relationships than in a low commitment relationship but still regardless especially from the man’s point of view unintended unplanned and unwanted pregnancies are a risk and a danger of sex outside of marriage. This then being a harm against the child who is born to the unfavorable social setting of their biological parents not being married and therefore not committed to each other.
In addition to this love and romantic attachment still happen as a result of sex even when such romantic attachment is not intended or desired; this being bad because the ability to bond with members of the opposite sex is limited, one romantic bond to one woman competing with a later romantic bond to another woman. This leading to a hierarchy of love attachments in your history with women; your first or early loves being your strongest love attachments because they came first when your ability to bond or fall in love was as its strongest. Later loves then being weaker loves. This is why sexual promiscuity leads to burnout or becoming jaded; one burns out their ability to fall in love without actually committing to or marrying any woman in the process. This is also why you want to avoid women with a promiscuous past; their ability to fall in love with you and commit to you being weakened due to their prior history with men.
As Roosh V relates in his post “A Face That I Could Love”:
“When I’m with a girl who has a face that I cannot love, I avoid her eyes. What a waste to be with such a girl! I’ll get some orgasms from her, as cheaply as I can get them, but the time it takes to get an orgasm from a face that I cannot love means I miss out on the opportunity, the chance meeting, with a face that I could love, but the need for sex is stronger than the need for love, and even easier to satisfy, so it’s sex I have pursued for so many years and sex that I will continue to pursue, but I know this is a devil’s bargain, for while I can experience the sexual satisfaction of sultans of old, the chance of love fades with every new girl.
The better I’ve become at gaining sex, the less I am open to the possibility of love, and sometimes at night, when I lay on my bed before going to sleep, I wonder what would happen if I write off sex completely to just talk to girls who have a face that I could love, a face I see once every several weeks, often while looking at the face of a man whom she already loves. I fall asleep. The anonymous women who come in and out of my dreams seem to mirror the ones that come in and out of my life. The pattern holds firm, the grey hairs steadily increase in number, and my motivation to work for women fades, so I greedily hold on to any short-term pleasure while the chance of making a sacrifice for a face that I could love becomes ever more improbable, until it will finally disappear. My heart will give up soon, and then it will be hard to look at faces anymore.”
So commitment and ultimately marriage is what you should be pursuing with women, not casual sex. Sexual promiscuity is bad for society and it is bad for your own mental health as a man. One has to understand though that marriage is idealistic and based on your sacrifice as a man in service to others; it is a gift to the woman that you love and to the well being of your future children.
Roosh V comments regarding marriage in his post “The Problems with Teaching Men how to Find a Wife”:
“Perilloux is correct that the path of least resistance in the past was marriage. In other words, the social structure was such that a good wife would land on your lap from having a full-time job, or even merely the intent to have one. You didn’t have to date, learn game, go to the gym, step up your banter, be cocky, and so on.
A society is healthy if creating a family is the default mode of relationship structure that is also rational for men to do. Marriage has its problems, but the alternative back then of not getting married had far more downsides, especially in a climate that was not as promiscuous or as welcoming of the eternal bachelor lifestyle.
One reason why marriage was such a good deal was because you didn’t have to study game, fitness, and psychology and then apply that learned knowledge through hundreds of hours of work just to get into a meaningful relationship. If you have to do this work today to get married, and the sword of Damocles is hanging over your head through an anti-male culture with full court backing, does marriage still become a low friction endeavor? It doesn’t, so Perilloux has no choice but to apply an achievement model to his hunt for a wife to make it happen in a degenerate age.”
I think Roosh V is missing the point of what marriage was about in the traditional past. Men did not marry in the past because it was easy, they married because it made them REAL MEN, it gave them status in the community and a sense of pride and purpose in their lives, they married because they really loved and really wanted to serve and give a good life to the woman they fell in love with at school; they did not however marry because getting married and being a husband was easy. Marriage was never intended to be “easy” for the man. In the traditional past marriage meant that the man was taking on a solemn commitment to fully financially support his wife for the rest of her life; the financial support of wives to keep wives out of the workforce was just assumed as a husband’s duty, the financial support of wives being a literal legal obligation in the era of coverture.
Family life doesn’t function based on making marriage easy and “rational” for men; family life functions based on society encouraging men and teaching men and supporting men in being as high functioning and high performing in their masculine role as possible. In other words a healthy society enables men to take on the challenges of being a man successfully; it strengthens men in their heroic mission as men.
Sexual promiscuity only destroys relationships between men and women and undermines your chances of finding love and happiness with the opposite sex. Instead of viewing women as sexual objects to be exploited for sexual gain instead understand and honor the spiritual and moral purpose of the woman and orient yourself to how best you can serve her as part of your own heroic mission and purpose as a man. Love her with your values, love her with your actions, love her with your goals, and then love her with your feelings and your desire for her; let sex be the expression of marital committed love as sex was meant to be.