Being in a Good Relationship with the Woman You Love the Most

Why do you enter into a romantic relationship with a woman? Because you love her, right? What woman do you ultimately want to marry? The woman that you love the most, right? The ultimate dream come true is to marry the woman that you love the most, right? Obviously.

There are two different reasons, two different kinds of reasons, to enter into a relationship with a woman however; the first reason is to FEEL GOOD, the second reason is to BE GOOD; feeling good and being good are different things; they are related to each other but they are still two different things.

How much you love a woman relates to the issue of feeling good; a woman that you love more is a woman with a greater ability to make you feel good, there is a greater reward from “being with” a woman that you love more. That is the whole point behind wanting to be with the woman that you love the most, the woman that you love the most being the woman with whom you feel the best.

Love is a motivator and love is a signal; your love for a woman motivates you to want to be with that woman, to perform for and “impress” that woman, and love is a signal in that you have a stronger desire to be with a woman that you love more so that women are sorted into a romantic hierarchy of the woman that you love the most and therefore want the most, and then 2 or 3 other women that you love a lot and would be happy with who are “close to” the woman that you love the most, and then 5 or 6 other women that you moderately love and would be OK with if none of your “top tier” women work out, etc. In other words the signal of who you love more and who you love less helps you discriminate between different romantic options so that you can commit to one woman to the exclusion of all other women.

There is also a time hierarchy element of love that is important; that your ability to form romantic bonds and romantic attachments is stronger when you are younger and that therefore your strongest loves will tend to be with your earliest loves; this promoting commitment and lifelong marriage since you will be in a weaker position to fall in love again with somebody new once you are older so that it makes sense to stay with the woman you are already with that you love more because you met her at a younger age when your ability and tendency to fall in love was stronger.

So the romantic feeling of love serves 3 different functions; it motivates you to seek relationships with women in the first place, it differentiates between what woman you want more and what woman you want less so that you can commit to and choose one woman over another, and it motivates you to maintain lifelong romantic commitment as the woman you love first is the woman you love most.

However the purpose of entering into a romantic relationship is not to feel good, the purpose is to be good; the reward of a romantic relationship is to feel good but the purpose of a romantic relationship is to be good. To “be good” means to contribute, to support and facilitate the woman’s purpose as a woman, to create a good home for children to grow up within; the purpose of the romantic relationship is the different forms of contribution the romantic relationship enables or is a vehicle for; love is then the emotional reward you get from being in the relationship that serves a moral purpose due to your contribution to others within the context of that relationship.

The element of the romantic relationship needing to be good, not just to feel good, is important because you cannot have a morally healthy functional relationship with an abusive woman or with a disobedient woman; a woman’s disobedience in a romantic relationship being a form of abuse against the man. In other words it is a moral imperative, a moral obligation, for the man to be dominant over the woman in a romantic relationship; the man has a duty and obligation to claim dominance and impose dominance and maintain dominance in his romantic relationship with a woman and the woman likewise has a duty and an obligation to submit to the man. Otherwise you have a feminist relationship that is not secure, prone to break up or divorce, and the man will withdraw from his support and contribution activities leading to the neglect of the woman’s needs and the neglect of the children’s needs as the man’s contribution will be misused and manipulated by a disobedient selfish minded woman.

This moral obligation for the man to be dominant holds true for all romantic relationships including when a man is with the woman he loves the most.

Donovan Sharpe put up a Youtube video on August 7, 2019 with the title “The single biggest sacrifice a Man must make if he wants the best relationship.”

In this video he states (4:05 to 4:42):

“The single biggest, the single greatest sacrifice that a man has to make if he wants to be in a good relationship with a woman or to be in the best relationship with a woman he’s ever had. The best relationship you have with a woman will not be with the woman you love the most. Let me repeat that. The best relationship you have with a woman will not be with the woman that you love the most. OK. But, on the flipside, inversely, the woman you love the most, the relationship that you’ll have with the woman you love the most, will not be your best relationship.”

So this is bad news here. Donovan Sharpe is telling us men that we should give up on our dream of being with the woman that we love the most, that not being with the woman you love the most is the “biggest sacrifice a Man must make if he wants the best relationship” as he puts it. I wonder, best in what way? The happiest relationship? It seems to me that being with the woman you love the most is precisely who you should be with if you want your best chance at happiness. The most moral relationship? Again, it seems that being with the woman you love the most is the situation where you will try your hardest to be good to your woman and where you will care the most about how she views you and where you will gain the most satisfaction in being able to think about yourself as being a “good man” to her. In what way, on what basis, will being with the woman you love the most cause a problem?

As Donovan Sharpe explains (6:59 to 7:57):

“Why is it that the woman you love the most will not be the best relationship you will ever be in? Well, the reason for this is the more you love a woman the more vulnerable you are to her, and the more vulnerable you are to a woman the easier it is for a woman to get over you. Women get over you by cheating, they get over you by branch swinging, bad behavior, mouthing off, disrespecting you, etc. etc. This isn’t to say that you can’t be in the best relationship you’ve ever had with a woman that you love, right? This isn’t to say that a little bit of emotional vulnerability makes you a sitting duck. But, if we know anything, the more you love a woman, the more emotionally vulnerable you are, and the more emotionally vulnerable you are the easier it is for women to get over you. It doesn’t necessarily mean she will, but it makes it easier.”

Donovan Sharpe further declares (15:08 to 15:38):

“It is my assertion that it is impossible to enforce boundaries and expectations to the degree that is necessary to have a good relationship with a woman and keep her in line if she is the woman that you love the most. Ok. You can love the woman, you can even love her a lot, but she cannot be the woman you love the very most in your life and enforce boundaries and expectations to the degree that is required to keep her in line. That is my assertion.”

The issue, predictably, is power. If you love the woman the most that means she is powerful in relation to you, emotionally powerful, and you are afraid to lose her, therefore you will be afraid to “enforce rules” against her, therefore she will walk all over you, therefore you cannot have a good relationship with her. Better to be with a woman you don’t love as much so it is no big deal if she leaves you so you will not be afraid to impose rules and expectations upon her so that you can then “keep her in line” and therefore have a good relationship with her.

Dominance over a woman is your duty to God on the woman’s behalf; you should remember that the purpose of your dominance over a woman is to better enable you to serve her, to form a more secure and safe relationship with her where she will not abuse you as you dedicate yourself in service to her. The important thing to keep in mind here is that dominance over a woman is your duty to God; it is not optional and it is not about whether or not being dominant makes you as the man feel good or serves your interests as the man or benefits you as the man; the issue is that your masculine dominance over the woman is necessary to make your relationship with the woman function well morally in terms of you making the contributions you should be making and that you need to be making to your woman and to your children.

The top priority is obedience to God, making sure the relationship you are in with a woman is a morally good relationship. The secondary priority is personal preference, being with the woman you love the most or that you are happy with. This means if there is a conflict between what you as the man emotionally desire and what you as a man are obligated and duty bound to commit yourself to then you have to obey God and serve God whatever it costs you, including if it costs you a relationship with the woman you love the most. It is better to be in a moral relationship with a woman you love less than it is to be in an immoral feminist corrupted relationship with a woman you love more. At the same time, it is better to be in a moral relationship with a woman you love more than it is to be in a moral relationship with a woman you love less.

Being with a woman you love more is a luxury, a blessing; being with a woman who is obedient and traditional is a necessity, a moral imperative and a moral duty. Ideally you want to be with a woman who is both moral and beloved by you but if you have to choose it is better to be with the woman you love less that is morally compatible with you than it is to be with the woman you love more but who is morally corrupted and abusive towards you. Obedience to God comes first, your personal preferences and desires then come second.

This is how you enter into a good relationship with the woman you love the most in the history of your life; duty first and personal preference second. You can’t expect an idealistic unselfish woman without being an idealistic unselfish man yourself first.

 
Related article: The Value and Purpose of Oneitis

About Jesse Powell TFA

Anti-Feminist, MRA, Pro-Traditional Women's Rights Traditional Family Activist (TFA)
This entry was posted in Relationship Dynamics and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Being in a Good Relationship with the Woman You Love the Most

  1. Elspeth says:

    Interesting. I’m fairly confident in the depth of the love my husband has for me, and I know he doesn’t want me to leave him. Obviously.

    But…he has no problem correcting me, saying no to me, and fully expecting that when he instructs me to do something, I’m supposed to do it. If I don’t, he calls me on it, and he doesn’t handle me with kid gloves. For these things, I am extremely thankful.

    I don’t see how it’s possible for two people to be married, happily so, and not reach a point where their spouse is the person they love the most, even more than themselves. True love for one’s wife doesn’t suddenly absolve her of accountability. Or it shouldn’t. The problem isn’t a man’s love. It’s his fear.

  2. Replying to Elspeth:

    The problem isn’t a man’s love. It’s his fear.

    This is exactly the point. What I am saying here is that selfishness makes a man weak, idealism or God orientation makes a man strong. If the man selfishly thinks, “I can’t correct this woman, if I do she’ll dump me and I can’t live without her.” Then he will act out of fear, not maintain his dominance, and yes the relationship will turn bad just as Donovan Sharpe fears / warns against. If the man is idealistic or God oriented then the man’s honor and moral responsibility comes first and the man will think, “I must correct this woman, it is my duty to her, it is how I keep my relationship with her good and strong and healthy; if she dumps me at least I tried my best to be the man that I should be.” Then he will act out of commitment to his role and his identity as a man and maintain his dominance over the woman and in that way maintain the health and longevity of the relationship. Donovan Sharpe is saying become more powerful by loving the woman less and viewing your relationship with her as disposable; I am saying become more powerful by committing yourself to an idealistic standard and an idealistic purpose that you place above your need or desire for any particular woman. In this way you can be a good responsible and dominant man with any woman including the woman you love the most and that you want the most.

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