Is it better to serve a woman or to impress a woman? A woman you are romantically interested in, a woman you want to be in a relationship with.
If there is a girl that you like you want to impress her, you want her to like you, you want her to say “yes” to what you ask of her. These are all things based on her response to you and her will or her choices regarding you; these are things based on her emotional responses and her decisions.
There is this idea that you have to perform for a woman; that you should be funny, that you should be confident, that you need to take charge on a date and show her a good time, that you should be a gentleman and pay for everything of course. The man chases after the woman, the man courts the woman, the man impresses the woman. If you as the man don’t measure up then you’re done.
There is this feeling from all of this that all a woman has to do to be desirable is to exist and be pretty and have a cute personality and that then revs the man up and spurs the man into action and then the man has to do all the work to make things happen. Women are the prize and a man has to out compete all the other men to win the prize.
In this romantic model everything is about the woman’s choice and the woman’s will and if you produce good feelings in the woman then she is likely to reward you. The point from the man’s point of view is to get the woman to like you by giving her rewards that she responds favorably to.
The thing to recognize in all of this is that this is a female dominance romantic model where your primary goal is to impress the woman so that the woman will then reward you with her affection and approval.
This female dominance romantic strategy is actually a weak way to try to appeal to women and it is selfishly oriented as well. It is weak because it has as its starting premise that you as the man must beg for the woman’s approval, that everything you are doing is geared towards trying to get the woman’s approval, and it is selfish because your goal is simply to do what it takes to get something from the woman. You are not giving to the woman to benefit the woman, you are giving to the woman so that she will give you what you want from her in return.
There is another way, a better way, to approach the task of forming a relationship with a woman. Instead of your primary goal being to impress the woman your primary goal should instead be to serve the woman.
To serve the woman, to give to the woman, to add something to her life. You like her, you think she is cute, you want to be good to her, to give something to her. You want to give something to her because she seems to be a good woman, a woman you possibly maybe want to be in a relationship with. You give to her out of an expression of your good moral character, your identity of who you are as a man. It is not that you are being selfless, you do hope that the woman will respond positively to you and that you will gain from a potential future relationship with her, but your primary orientation is that you treat her well because you are a good man. If you are showing a romantic interest in her then you are taking on a duty of service towards her since service on behalf of the woman is fundamental to the male romantic role.
It is natural if you like a girl, if you really like her, then you want her to like you in return. You want her approval. She can give you that approval or not based on how she chooses to react to you. It is hard to keep your perspective in all of this. If your orientation is to serve then you will approach her in a confident way with a kind of idealistic agenda in mind of who you are trying to be as a man. If your orientation is to impress then you are just trying to put on a good performance and hoping for the best, hoping that she’ll like it. If your goal is to serve then you as the man are in charge; you have your purpose as a man and if one woman doesn’t like it then another woman will. Regardless you are who you are as a man. If your goal is to impress then the woman is in charge; you fail when the woman responds negatively and you succeed when the woman approves; everything being centered around whether the woman likes you or not.
If your primary purpose in your mind is to get the girl, that you’ll do anything you have to do to get the girl, then you will primarily seek to impress. If your primary purpose is to romantically assert yourself as a man in pursuit of the romantic purpose you want to claim for yourself as a man then you will seek to serve as service to the woman is itself part of your romantic role as a man.
When you serve the woman you are acting out a role in relation to the woman where the role itself is what has fundamental and primary value. The most important thing is not whether you are with a particular woman or not, it is not whether the woman approves of you or not, the most important thing is that you act out the masculine role that you are supposed to serve as a man. The purpose of serving the woman is the service itself, the service to the woman being moral and rewarding in its own right.
When you seek to impress your goal is simply to gain the reward of a relationship with the woman.
When your orientation is to serve your purpose and your role as a man comes first; you serve the woman as a means of acting out your role as a man and to achieve your purpose as a man. You then seek a woman who wants to be a part of your romantic purpose as a man, who wants to be the recipient of your duty to serve women. If one woman doesn’t want you another woman will; you find a woman who wants to be a part of your romantic purpose as a man.
When your orientation is to impress the woman comes first, you change yourself to please the woman, your goal is simply to get a romantic reward from the woman.
When your goal is to serve your purpose as a man becomes dominant; the relationship with a woman is based on her serving your romantic and family goals as a man. You see the woman as someone you take care of, as someone you owe a debt to, as someone you owe good treatment to, as someone you love, and also as someone you are in authority over, as someone who has an obligation to do what you say.
An orientation of service is also an orientation of dominance. You have a goal in mind and you want the woman to cooperate with and accept your goal and your purpose, not fight against it. You’re the one who determines what you owe to the woman, not the woman herself. You’re the one who determines what the woman owes you, not the woman herself. You’re in charge because you as the man are the giver while she is the receiver; you are in service to her, her needs as a woman come first, it is your job as a man to give to her what she needs from you as a woman.
There are objective duties that a man owes to a woman and objective duties that a woman owes to a man, it is not really the man deciding by himself what his relationship with a woman should be like, it is the man obeying what his role and purpose is as a man in relation to a woman according to objective moral standards of what men owe to women and how men should treat women, the woman likewise having objective moral duties and obligations that she owes to the man.
With all this talk about how it is better to seek to serve women than it is to seek to impress women it is still true that the woman must be impressed by you as a man as the woman needs to consciously choose to accept you romantically before you can enter into a relationship with her. The woman still needs to say “yes” to what you ask of her romantically.
Your purpose is to serve the woman but you can only enter into a relationship with a woman successfully if you sufficiently impress her so that she will allow you to enter into a relationship with her.
The solution to this conundrum? You must find a woman who is impressed by your orientation of service to her. Service is a stronger position for a man to be in, a man oriented towards service will give more to a woman than a man simply trying to impress the woman for selfish gain, service is idealistic, service is dominant and women are attracted to dominance, with an orientation towards service the man will give to the woman expecting nothing in return, with service the man has his own internal motivation for doing what he is doing, he doesn’t have to be constantly rewarded by the woman to continue in his good deeds. Service is actually more impressive than merely the desire to impress is.
The thing is, women who want to be dominant will resent and be hostile towards your desire to serve them. A dominant woman will want you to be trying to impress them as that way the woman stays in control. An orientation towards service is indeed patronizing to women, something that will get the feminists riled up.
You don’t want however a woman who wants to be dominant with you; it is your job and your role to be dominant as the man. A traditional woman will want and prefer the man who sees himself as being in service to her and it is the traditional woman that you want, not the feminist woman.