What do I want romantically from a woman? I want her intimacy, I want her submission, and I want her to be in service to others. A romantic relationship from the man’s point of view is idealistic and emotional; it serves the man emotionally and spiritually. A woman gives to me her intimacy, submission, and service to others and I in return give her my intimacy, my dominance on her behalf, and my service to her. Intimacy is matched with intimacy. Male dominance on the woman’s behalf is matched with female submission. The man’s service to the woman is matched with the woman’s service to others.
|Male Role||Female Role||Result|
|Service to Woman||Service to Others||Spiritual bond|
The man and the woman being intimate with each other creates an intimacy bond between the man and the woman; this being the glue that holds the relationship together, this being what makes the relationship “feel good,” this being the primary emotional reward for entering into the relationship and maintaining the relationship. The man and woman wants to be together because they love each other.
The man being dominant and the woman in return being submissive creates a hierarchy bond between the man and the woman. The hierarchy bond creates order, predictably, removes or minimizes conflict, and aligns the interests of the man and woman so they are both on the “same team” working together for a common higher idealistic moral purpose. The man and woman become unified and joined together based on the man’s non-contested dominance over the woman.
The man being in service to the woman and the woman being in service to others creates the spiritual bond between the man and the woman. The spiritual bond is the higher moral purpose of the relationship. It is what makes the relationship “good” and moral. It is what makes the romantic union Godly and idealistic and outward looking rather than just being based on mutual selfishness and mutual self-interest.
Also, let us remember, for the man intimacy, dominance, and service to the woman go together. Likewise for the woman intimacy, submission, and service to others go together. Dominance and service to the woman are both expressions of intimacy and love by the man. Furthermore dominance and service to the woman are combined together; the purpose of dominance being service to the woman. For women submission and service to others are both expressions of intimacy and love by the woman directed at the man. Furthermore the woman’s submission and service to others is combined, the purpose of the woman’s submission being to facilitate her service to others.
A man’s dominance to be ethical and legitimate has to be directed to the woman’s benefit; it has to be part of the general ethic of placing women’s interests above men’s interests. Likewise a woman’s submission is only functional when it facilitates the woman’s well being and the woman’s ability to contribute to others. Male dominance is directed towards the goal of service to the woman while female submission is directed towards the goal of service to others.
The man needs to submit to God or to objective moral standards and the woman then submits to the man based on the man faithfully trying his best to be Godly and obedient to his higher moral purpose as a man.
It should be kept in mind that it is legitimate for a woman to assert herself for the purpose of being treated well by the man or for the purpose of making sure the man is protective of and considerate of the woman’s interests. The woman needs to make sure the man is indeed fulfilling his role and his obligation to respect and support her role and her purpose as a woman.
So the romantic relationship between the man and the woman is based on three bonds; the intimacy bond, the hierarchy bond, and the spiritual bond. What I give as a man is intimacy, dominance, and service to the woman. What I receive as a man is intimacy, submission, and service to others. The intimacy bond gives me love, the hierarchy bond joins me and the woman together as a team for a common purpose, and the spiritual bond gives me my sense of purpose; my service to God, something worth sacrificing for.
An interesting thing I have learned about myself. When I look towards a woman I have found that what I most want is a connection to God. Love and sex is not what I value most in a woman; what I value most is her Godliness, her spirituality, her higher moral purpose, her feminine gift to the world. If all a woman can offer me is love and sex I am not interested; love and sex has to be combined with morality in order for me to be interested. In other words my relationship with the woman has to be moral; it has to serve a higher moral purpose. The woman can’t be attacking me or trying to undermine me or trying to manipulate me or trying to “get something out of me.” All of these behaviors by the woman destroy my moral purpose in the relationship; they all undermine and lessen my value as a man and represent the woman seeking to harm me or harm others for her own selfish benefit. If the woman claims to be my “equal” and is not willing to submit to me this tells me that her intention is to steal from me or manipulate me or attack and undermine me in some way. Additionally the woman should be idealistic so that her inclination is to use my support for her in service to others rather than her being selfish and inward looking. My purpose in giving to a woman is not just to help the woman; it is to help the woman help others.
When I refer to a woman being “in service to others” what I mean is her being in service to her children or our children or my children; in addition her being in service to a wide variety of potential “others.” She may be in service to other children in her extended family, she may be of benefit to the neighborhood kids, she may volunteer in service to the less fortunate in a number of ways, she may care for the elderly, she may mentor younger women growing up or starting out in life, she may contribute to the religious community she is a part of, she might work to spread her religious faith to others, she might write books or maintain a blog to communicate positive moral teachings or practical advice to others. There are many ways a woman can be in service to others. When I financially support a woman what I am doing is giving her her time so that she can then give her time to others.
I do not want an “independent woman.” What purpose do I serve with an “independent woman?” My goal is to help others through my support of the woman so that my relationship with the woman will serve a higher moral purpose that is pleasing to God. Therefore the woman must be dependent upon me in order for me to achieve my full value and my full purpose as a man.
My intimacy, my dominance, and my service to the woman are not just things intended to benefit the woman; they are also meant to benefit me and my sense of higher moral purpose. I want a woman that accepts my intimacy, my dominance, and my service to her in addition to me myself seeking to give intimacy, dominance, and service to a woman.
In order for a woman to be able to offer me intimacy, submission, and service to others she has to be trusting towards me and she has to be idealistic and not selfish. Feminism is the antithesis of these things that I need from a woman. Feminism on principle refuses to trust a man no matter how trustworthy he is; the refusal to obey a man very clearly being an assertion of contempt and an expression of fear. Furthermore feminism is selfishly oriented fixated on “women’s rights” the rights of everybody else be damned.
What I most want is for a woman to be Godly. Conservative religious teachings and the overall religious view of life with God and obedience to God being the central organizing theme; this is very desirable in a woman as these things support a woman’s ability to trust me given my trustworthiness in reality and they support an idealistic generous orientation towards others. A Godly woman true to her traditional religious faith will be able to offer me the intimacy, submission, and service to others that I am looking for in a woman.
Just to be clear here; a non-religious woman or atheist woman can also be “Godly” in the sense of how I am using that term here; the important issue is not religion per se but a God centered accepting of objective reality and the natural roles of men and women outlook that is typical of traditional religious faith but not exclusive to traditional religious faith. Certainly I seek to be a “Godly” man while still intellectually being an atheist.
The reason for me joining my life with a woman is to gain access to her femininity for myself and to contribute her femininity to others. It is the woman’s femininity that I want for myself selfishly and to contribute to others idealistically. Femininity is the skill areas and abilities that women are better at than men; masculinity is the skill areas and abilities that men are better at than women. Femininity is what I don’t have or at least am weak in. Femininity is what I need and what the world needs that I myself do not possess; it is something I can only gain access to and contribute to others through the means of entering into a relationship with a woman and supporting that woman. Likewise masculinity is what a woman doesn’t possess herself and can only get through a relationship with a man. The purpose of masculinity is the support and empowerment of femininity. The purpose of romantic relationships between men and women is male masculine support of women’s feminine contribution to children and society at large.
What I have to give as a traditional man is intimacy, dominance, and service. What I want to receive from a traditional woman in return is intimacy, submission, and service to others. This is the complementarian relationship between men and women, this is patriarchy as it is expressed in romantic relationships between men and women, this is how the romantic bond between man and woman is given its higher moral purpose. This is what I have to give as a man and what I want to receive from a woman.
Companion Article: Intimacy, Dominance, and Service