Masculinity is what men are better at than women. Femininity is what women are better at than men. I am talking about inherited skill sets and personality traits here. Those born male are biologically based on their genes on average better at skills associated with conventional masculinity and have personality traits consistent with a masculine attitude or persona. This is a good thing. It is good for men to be masculine. Men are born to be masculine for a reason, because a masculine man will be better at serving his function in society than an effeminate or gender neutral man.
Traditional masculinity is the social conventions and expectations that were placed upon men in the relatively recent past, say 50 or 100 years ago, that laid out to men what their duties in society were, what they owed to women, what it meant to be a husband and a father, the moral rules and expectations that men were expected to live up to as part of their traditional role as a man.
You can think of conventional masculinity as being the straight inherited strengths and inclinations of men; simply what is born into men biologically. Traditional masculinity then takes conventional masculinity as its starting point and builds onto conventional masculinity a moral code to follow designed for the purpose of making society and family life work well; traditional masculinity is conventional masculinity directed towards a moral purpose.
Patriarchy is then the overall social system that comes from the practice and enforcement of traditional masculinity upon men in general. Chivalry, the duty of men to provide for and protect women, is the central theme of traditional masculinity and is the foundation of patriarchy.
With masculinity comes power over women and attractiveness and desirability to women; a woman instinctively wanting a masculine man because masculinity signals to the woman that the man is likely to be able to perform his role and duties as a man well. A masculine man is a powerful man, a man powerful enough to provide for and take care of his woman well; the man’s power being directed towards the woman’s benefit.
In modern feminist society it is this power that masculinity gives to men that feminists find problematic, that leads to masculinity being belittled or made to seem confusing and undefined or to masculinity being outright vilified. According to feminists when women try to be masculine that is great because that means more power for women but when men seek to be masculine, to act out their own strengths and desires and sense of purpose as men, that is terrible and sexist and oppressive and bad bad bad because that is associated with men being powerful.
As Rollo Tomassi says in his recent post “Rites of Passage” :
“In several prior posts I’ve outlined how boys are taught from a very early age to gender-loathe their maleness. It’s part of Blue Pill conditioning, but more so, I think it’s important for Blue Pill or unplugging adult men to understand the mechanics and reasoning behind why it’s in the Feminine Imperative’s interests to keep conventional masculinity something ambiguous, arbitrary or something men ought to be able to fluidly define for themselves. That last part there is important, because what most men think is their own self-definition of masculinity is always founded in what the Feminine Imperative has conditioned him to believe is correct.”
Masculinity is a specific thing, it is what males inherit as a superior skill set combined with personality attributes to put that superior skill set to good use. Masculinity is very very important for a man to possess and be good at for him to succeed with women and family life and for him to play a productive role in society in general. The attack on masculinity is straightforwardly an attack against men’s ability to function romantically with women, to function parentally in the role of father with children, and indeed is even an attack against men’s ability and inclination to function well economically; to be successful and ambitious at work. This all being motivated by the feminist pursuit of power; men being attacked in all areas so that women will gain in power relative to men in all areas.
It should be noted that the primary moral purpose of masculinity is to benefit and be of service to women; men’s masculinity being in service to women’s femininity. Men are to serve women; men’s areas of superior strength, what masculinity is, is what God has given to men to empower and enable men to serve women better.
Men are to serve women but men are not to obey women or do whatever the woman tells them to do. Men are to serve the woman’s interests, not the woman’s will. Women are to obey men; women are to obey men to better enable the man to serve the woman and to make it safe for the man to dedicate himself to serving the woman.
Rollo Tomassi said regarding putting women on pedestals:
“For some time it’s been a manosphere staple to tell guys to take the girl off the pedestal if he wants to be successful with women. We call it pedestalization, but one reason that dynamic, to put a woman on a higher order than oneself, is so pervasive in men is due exactly to this “equalist” conditioning. The internalization is one of making that girl, that woman, the centerpiece of a man’s headspace. This becomes who he is and it’s the result of a childhood that taught him he must place the concerns of girls above his own on many different psychological levels.”
With this I disagree. The source of pedestalizing women, placing women on a pedestal, putting the woman’s interests before your own as a man, is puberty; the inclination of men to fall in love with women. The reason why a woman becomes “the centerpiece of a man’s headspace” as Tomassi puts it is because the man has fallen in love with the woman; it is as simple as that. Biological inherited romantic love, the foundation of heterosexuality, is where men’s drive to pedestalize women and serve women comes from. What’s important to keep in mind in this is that men’s romantic love for women is inherited, it is something placed within men by God, meaning the drive in men to serve and please a woman they are romantically in love with is a purpose given to men by God. This means pedestalization itself, the principle that men are to serve women and place women’s interests above their own, is itself something that God intends for men and therefore is a good and moral instinct that men possess within themselves. That men serving women and men placing women’s interests above their own interests is a morally good thing.
The thing is when the man places the woman’s interests above his own he does so with the mindset of being the woman’s guardian, that he needs to take care of the woman, that he has a natural right of authority over the woman that he seeks to take care of.
Rollo Tomassi makes the important observations:
“This is another reason men are conditioned to keep women on the pedestal; only women can confirm ‘manhood’ from a superior (mental) position in that man’s mind. When a woman is at the top of a man’s mental point of origin – and not even a specific woman, but womankind – she decides his status of being a man. So it follows that men ought to internalize the doubt of understanding manhood or conventional masculinity.”
A major purpose and value of masculinity is to enable men to form romantic relationships with women and then to serve the woman well in that romantic relationship. Now in order to actually form the romantic relationship with a woman the woman has to consent to the relationship. This necessarily means that the woman is judging you as to whether your presentation of masculinity and what you have to offer her measures up; whether or not it is the best she can get in the romantic marketplace. If she then chooses you you get the reward of being able to enter into a relationship with her. If she doesn’t then you lose, you have to find someone else.
This being said you have to keep in mind that your masculinity is something that you possess yourself as a man; it belongs to you the man. You then as the man get to choose which woman you want to offer the benefits of your masculinity to, which woman you offer the benefits of your masculinity and your capabilities as a man to. You then say to the woman that if you submit to me I will give to you what I owe to you as a man; the man owing to the woman he is in a romantic relationship with what he is able to give to the woman based on his masculine strengths, the most prominent duty of the man being the man’s duty to financially support the woman.
Women are not the ones who decide what masculinity is or what the right way to be a man is. An individual woman decides what she in particular values in a man and whether an individual man “measures up” or not; that is all. Men do not decide either what masculinity is or what the right way to be a man is; masculinity is not simply a matter of individual preference. What masculinity is and what the duties and responsibilities of a man are is an objective truth or an objective reality; it is decided by God. The man should not be trying to please women or to do what women say he should do; the man is to serve women but not to let women take control of things. The man is also not to just do whatever he feels like doing; the man is not to place himself first as the man. The man is to do what is right, to obey and conform to traditional masculinity, to place God and what his God imposed role and duty as a man is first.
Yes definitely feminist women will punish you romantically if you seek to assert yourself as a man, as a masculine man with authority, with them. Still asserting yourself as a masculine man with legitimate authority over women whose purpose is to serve women and take care of women is the right thing to do morally; it is the role that God wants you to take on as a man. Don’t worry about the feminist women rejecting you; there are plenty of traditional women out there looking for a high functioning traditional man to start a family with.
See my earlier post: Advice for Secular Men Seeking a Traditional Woman